The Oracle, I am. Bow, thou must.

Remember when I said “WAAAA Ai is graduating! I can see the future! Niigaki is going to get fucked!”, and then I uploaded a photo of Risa? Wow, wasn’t that fuckin’ hilarious?!

Except that, now that it’s actually true, it’s not. God dammit, jokes sure get old. FAST.

So yeah.

Niigaki is graduating next spring! About time! I was like, completely and utterly damn sure that Risa, not Ai, was going to be the first one to get the short end of the stick. You can imagine my surprise (not) when Ai announced her graduation last year. Now, well… It’s the logical next step, isn’t it?

But for me, this closes another chapter in the huge book that MM is. For years, we have seen what’s left of the Golden Era’s MM leading the group, teaching juniors and taking names. For years now, the 5th generation became the face of MM, the only two familiar faces for the casual fans and hardcore fans alike. But as of this spring, that will be no more. The last Golden Era Momusu is graduating, and that leaves nothing but sad faces all over the world. I know, tragic, isn’t it?

In a personal level, I feel… old. Tired. Like I’m part of an older era, like I’m barely catching up to the times. I see Morning Musume and I see young girls. Some of them, I double in age. I look at them and I see the next generation getting in front of me, stopping me and leaving me behind with only the memories of the Musume that I used to know and love. In a way, it’s like I’m keeping myself behind, afraid of catching up with the new era, afraid it will disappoint me, or that it will simply not be the same. I just want to remember MM as it was when Kago was in it, when Mikitty was in it, when Koharu was in it. When Goto was in it…

And then, there’s another voice inside me.

And that voice says:

 

 

 

 

FUCK YOU, YOU GODDAMN PUSSY. I STILL AND ALWAYS WILL LOVE MORNING MUSUME.

(I sure know how to ruin the mood. I’m a master of this shit.)

For some reason, I deny myself to leave Morning Musume behind. I just can’t. I can’t help but love them… they have been for the longest time. They have been there, even if I occasionally get distracted by the sexier, or the prettier, or the more talented group all over the world. But in the end, I will always get back to them.

This is why, I can’t feel anything but happiness about this news. Niigaki is going to get an upgrade (hopefully) and go out to the real showbiz, to do what she wants without fearing the press, or the news! Niigaki, who gave us a lot of precious moments, is finally breaking free of the cage that UFA got her. Finally…

Finally…

 

Finally.

 

 

Finally?

 

 

 

FINALLY?!

 

 

 

 

FINALLY!

 

Morning Musume’s Sayumi Michishige is going to get the spot she always desired! RIIDA! RIIDA! RIIDA!

Not pictured: MY HUGE BONER.

That’s right! Logic tells me that Shige is going to get the spot. Why? Well, she’s the eldest. I can actually see her being the leader. What about Reina, you ask? Well, she has al the capabilities of becoming one, sure. It’s just… I mean, if Reina does get the leader spot, who will be in the front row?

Riho? She’s still too green. Sure, in a matter of years, months even, she is going to become an unstoppable force. She is going to be Takahashi Ai V 2.0; upgraded with cuter looks, prettier legs and everything. But as of now, she just can’t handle the huge responsibility of being in front. It’s just too much.

What about Aika? Wan-chan can’t possibly be in front. Not a chance. BUT she is sure to get the leader spot one day. She has that feeling, of course.

The others? Too green, even more so than Riho. Everyone’s singing is going to get better, of course, but all of them are barely learning how to do it. They would have to be very fast to manage in months what a lot of past girls couldn’t do in years.

So, Reina has to keep that place. She has to carry the weight of being in front, helped by Riho, Aika… and maybe Fukumura? I don’t know. I guess is best to keep everything as it was, plus having Michishige in the leader position. Maybe a tiny audition, perhaps? That combination can’t fail. What could possibly go wrong?

*smirk*

Chill the fuck up UFA!

Well, for starters I haven’t posted in what? 2, almost 3 months? COME ON! I just got a new girlfriend and I couldn’t care less for you guys. But now, you my fellow H!P followers, will receive some World-Class, Heavy Bad-Ass Shit, Explosive Wota Style!

My homie Obama showing your lazy ass how the hell it’s done.

Therefore I begin with the main fuckin’ topic of this week. Or month. Whatever.

*dramatic music*

FUCKIN’ MOMUSU’S 10TH GENERATION

AND

FUCKIN’ S/MILEAGE’S 2ND GENERATION

Remember when I said “Oh bro, it’ll rock if the Musume’s got another audition out the next year”? Well, fuck me but I think I might be a fortune-teller. Because shit, seems like every time I write something it becomes true. It happened with Takahashi’s graduation (well that’s a given, with she staying in the group for 10 years and all). So, some time ago I was just getting home from a specially boring day at work and well, I just wanted to relax. I went to my PC and said “Oh god, I’m going to see what’s happenin’ on H!O. Maybe another boring as hell Pocket Question, why not…”, so I got in the site and OHMYGOD.

The announcement felt a bit rash, as if the mere thought of Takahashi leaving got UFA shitting their pants. They are losing a great deal of talent in the group, and sure, Risa and Reina can make up for her, but honestly, all the wotas seem to be all over Takahashi. That means a serious damage to the fan base, and I can foresee a serious damage to the singles $$$ as well. But all in all, I think this is their way of making up for no change in Momusu’s line-up in what, 3 years?

A lot of people are freakin’ out about this, you know? The good ol’ “They changed it now it sucks” shit. Yeah, I do spend some time on TVTropes, so fuckin’ what?

But hey, that’s something that has always happened. But they are freakin’ out mostly because the announcement being made not a half-year since the new members were announced. But hey, this has happened before, hasn’t it? 4th to 5th Generation, anyone? When Takahashi & Friends joined the two freaks, the girly one and the manly one had been only for a year or so. And well, this audition has just been announced, and that means we won’t be seeing the actual 10th Generation for, say, another 4-5 months. IF there’s a 10th Generation at all. We all know how Tsunku can fuck up our shit anytime he feels like it.

Pictured: Tsunku’s hair is F**KIN’ AWESOME.

Still, I just have one tiny complication right here. I’m getting old, you know? I’m going to be 23 this year, and what does that mean? That EVERY SINGLE MEMBER IS GOING TO BE YOUNGER THAN ME. And what’s worse, I’M GOING TO BE A FAN OF A 13-YEAR OLD. Now I’m not really annoyed by that fact, but by the fact that every passing year since the moment Takahashi graduates I’m going to fall, bit by bit, into the category of a “Common Wota”. Now THAT’S A PROBLEM. Should I keep with Morning Musume, or switch around for the older, sexier and not so, uhm, “embarrassingformeandmyego-er” Dream Musume?

 

But what I really didn’t expect was S/Mileage’s 2nd Generation. Epic mind-rape right there. I mean, I thought the 4-girl group thing really worked well. But it seems the folks at UFA aren’t as fond of these girls as I am. It’s just like they are so fuckin’ high on crack and coke that they don’t give a single fuck about anything.

“What an exotic bunch of racial diversity we have here! Only one, maybe two of us look slightly japanese! But all of us work on UFA!… oh yeah, we are high on crack and coke. Fuck S/Mileage. Blah blah.”

But hey, whatever. I don’t really listen to S/Mileage, so yeah. Still, it amazes me. I bet the next thing we are going to hear about is Miyavi’s graduation or, I don’t know, that Mano is going to get in AKB48 or that Chisato is totally getting a solo single. Oh, wait…

Heh heh… I totally doubt she could enter in AKB48, she doesn’t have the body to rOMGWTFISWRONGWITHYOURFACE?!

 

Amazing.

I just want to comment something. The new motherfuckin’ song. Full motherfuckin’ preview is here. I’m so amazed right now I can’t even think, let alone rationalize like a perfectly normal person. But I do blogging about japanese music (mostly, at least), so I just can’t be a normal person.

Also, check out this other video. Dance lessons w/ Kyukkies. Definitely a must see. For real.

I was shitting bricks when I saw Riho dance. DAMN THAT GIRL HAS SOME NASTY TALENT RIGHT FUCKIN’ THERE! Also, I didn’t expect something from myself. As they dance, the rest of the group intrudes in. Then, we get this next shot of all Momusu dancing together. As in a group. Suddenly, I got this chill in my spine and began to tremble as I put my hands over my mouth and let a loud, deep, creepy and manly fangirl-ish squeal.

Exactly my expression. Only without the ejaculaaaaaaaaaw fuck I totally ruined my new pants!

Maji desu ka SKA! [A really small Review]

I just listened to the “preview” of the new single. I have to say, I didn’t expect the kind of catchy, upbeat, happy song the Golden Era was known for. Still, I liked it, but not as much as I would want (I’m not really a fan of upbeat songs, with the exception of “Souda!”). But hey, at least they seem to have already given up with the “Oh I’m such a sad girl I need love fast” kinda songs. Good move there, Tsunku♂. It’s weird too. I don’t feel like I’m listening to the Momusu of 2011. It feels like I’m back in 2004, when every song H!P did had a “never-ending fun” feeling around them, when Tsunku didn’t gave a fuck about anything. He just made songs, crazy ass songs, upbeat songs, random songs, stupid songs, and most of them became classics in the fans ears. A lot of people compare “Maji Desu Ka SKA!” with “Koko Ni Iruzee!”, and it’s true. For me it has a more Petitmoni-ish kinda sound.

In fact, the song itself doesn’t amuse me as much as hearing the new members sing do. I mean, I lost the track of how much I raped the play button just to hear them sing, again and again and again. I was surprised too. Videos show them really nervous and restless as they record the song. I really feared they would sound Koharu-like. But it wasn’t like that at all. Riho rocked it, Ikuta’s voice was a little bit deeper than Riho’s, so I basically thought the same of her. Mizuki’s part I expected to be fabulous (given that she is the experienced one), but it wasn’t that special. Still, pretty darn good. But Suzuki surprised me to no end. Her voice is way lower than any of the other 3, so that and that her voice rocked made her stand out. Maybe it’s just me, but I have a thing for girls with deep voice, like Takahashi (Lulz) or Chisato. Seriously, if Chisato didn’t exist, I would really give a fine fuck about C-ute. But let us not make this a “Why I could love C-ute more but I just don’t care enough” post. It may be one in the future though.

How could you say “No” to this face?

Like this.

Le Video

A new era has begun. 9th Generation time has come. Don’t wet your pants AKB48. Although you don’t have to, I really doubt they overpower you.

Takahashi Ai to leave. Graduation haters gonna graduation hate.

When I went to H!O I wasn’t really planning anything to do in there. “Maybe I’ll hang in Kago’s thread, or in Riho’s”, I said to myself. Then, I saw that the News Feed was updated. The very second I saw Takahashi’s name I knew what happened. She is going to graduate in the Autumn Tour. I covered my mouth with my hand as I smiled, but not a smile of joy, but one of nervousness. “Fuck Off”, I yelled. “Fuck you Tsunku, you’re just trolling us now. That, or I slept for 3 months straight and it is April 1st.”

It wasn’t.

You know, this was bound to happen, sooner or later. And it did take it’s fuckin’ sweet time, aye? You know, 10 FUCKIN’ YEARS ALREADY?! That’s a shitload of time. Actually, I was beginning to think she was never going to graduate. Like, EVER. But, that’d be a trashed talent, wouldn’t it? With her talent I might have graduated sooner, like 5 years or so after her addition. She would have been a kickass soloist back in the day when H!P was worth the time. That was what I was thinking, when I saw that she’s going to leave H!P, too.

“WHAT?!” I yelled, and now for real. “YOU FUCKIN’ ASSHOLES! You have fuckin’ Mano as a soloist but you graduate Takahashi just like that?! ARE YOU FUCKIN’ KIDDIN’ ME?!”. I calmed myself about a minute later. What’s up with that crap anyway? I mean, why would you graduate them from H!P too? They’re cash cows! You just don’t waste a cash cow like that! You squeeze it until they’re out of talent and finally go and sleep with older mans and smoke like they don’t give a fuck! That’s the way, aha aha, I like it!

Ok, now serious business. I do believe she’s going to have a succesful career outside H!P. UFA always seemed to be really biased over Takahashi, so sure, why not? I mean, she’s a crazy badass singer, so it’s not like she’ll disappear in the background. She has what it takes to be an Ayumi. An Amuro. She can be our next J-Pop Queen! Although I do feel a little worried. Now that Kamei is no more and Takahashi already saying bye-bye, Reina is going to get more shit to sing, and of course Risa is going to take Ai’s place. So, we have now 2 spots to fill. Who will fulfill the destiny of the semi-leading vocals?! Of course, it won’t be Sayumi. I love her, but I know she can’t sing, even if her life depended on it.

I’m sorry. But it’s the truth. You’re gorgeous BTW.

I have two suspects. One, it could be Riho. Two, it is or Fukumura, or Aika. I hate Aika and all she stand’s for. But I can’t deny her voice is kinda nice to hear (except when she’s singing nasally, I hate that shit). And I haven’t heard Fukumura, but she’s not Aika, so she’s not a crack whore to me, SO she’s good for now.

 

What do you think about this graduation? It took me for surprise (although I foreshadowed it in an earlier post… maybe I can see the future xD). I NEVER expected Takahashi’s graduation to be announced just after the past one. But it kinda makes sense at this point. Was UFA going to rest all of Morning Musume’s hopes in her, forever and ever? I don’t think so. Also, it is beginning to feel like the good ol’ Momusu. If next year they make another audition, I’m gonna love it.

PS: I’m very fuckin’ drunk and tired right now. Did you noticed?

-Evil Laugh-