Tag Archives: Graduation

EW’s take on J-pop | What music does EW really listen to? | Latest(ish) H!P & AKB48 News

13 May

Hey, how’s it going! EW’s back in the game, bitches!

So, it has been some crazy 4 months and a half, right? Shitload of uh, shit has been going down lately, and DAMN! It got me with my trousers halfway my legs (and by this I mean SURPRISE BUTSECKS). But first things first.

Some time ago, some random dude whose name was hilariously stupid asked me what kind of music I use to hear. My favorite genre, if you will. I  was talking with another H!P hardcore fan that happened to be friends of my girl (WHO IS SO CUTE, BTW), so I said: “J-Pop all the way!”. But I guess he didn’t believe me, because the look on his face was like: “You fuckin’ wannabe Wota motherfucker asshole shit”, like he was the real deal and I was not.

He looked something like this. Douchebag scum.

And this is me… I uh… oh.

Anyway, he interrogated me for what felt like a couple of minutes ’till I finally grew tired of his bullshit. I don’t like being harassed by what kind of music do I hear, or why do I hear it. It’s music, dammit! LET ME HEAR IT ALONE, YOU BASTARD.

So yeah. Have you ever wondered what kind of music do I hear? I bet you have. So this is the answer.

Anything’s good.

Of course, there are a couple of genre that I dislike. For example I can’t stand Reggaeton, I fuckin’ hate salsa, rumba, cumbia, duranguense and so on (genres that over hear, in Mexico, people like a lot), and I’m not specially fond of the rock of the 50’s & 60’s. I personally believe that The Beatles are way too overrated. And I actually kind of like Nickelback. Yeah, I KNOW. NICKELBACK, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

I have never, ever inclined my taste in music for a lone genre. I love Reggae, 70’s & 80’s Rock, J-Pop (well, obviously my dear little angels) and some Rap. While not a fan, I enjoy Dubstep. I could hear to every Metal style out there and I don’t dislike Pop at all. So my taste in music could be flawless or really fuckin’ horrible, depending on your point of view or who do you ask.

So after I tried to make this fucker understand what was up with me, he began preaching me about J-Pop like I hadn’t been a fan for like the LAST DECADE. He told me it was the best music he ever heard, that everyone should just hear it and fall in love with it. And then I stopped him, because his argument was laughable at best.

Don’t get me wrong. J-Pop is something so amazing for me that I could almost jizz in my pants when the likes of Yûko or Maeda Atsuko start singing. But actually, I’m quite aware that J-Pop may be one of the most horrible genres in the whole world… it is, definitely and without fear of being corrected, the most ridiculous one.

There are plenty of amazing songs, I won’t deny that. There is a reason why LOVE Machine sold a TRILLION of copies. There is a reason why AKB48 has sold so much in the past 4 years. There is a reason why people like Henkka (who has an amazing taste in music, BTW) like to hear all that shit. My god, there’s a reason why here in the West people hear J-Pop, even when we have so much amazing stuff over here (well… not recent & popular stuff, that is).

 It didn’t sell a trillion. But sometimes I like to pretend it did. MOMUSU FTW.

But in general, they kind of suck. Not because they have poor quality, but because they hear just like the FUCKTON OTHER SONGS I HAVE ALREADY HEARD.

I don’t even have to give you all examples. Just compare most B-side songs in each single, look me in the eyes and swear for your butthole’s safety that you don’t think it sounds way too familiar. Just do it. You won’t regret it… or maybe you will, because fuck it, it hurts. Little things like those make me believe that Tsunku’s (or to be precise, UFA’s) effort in producing a well-rounded, nice to hear song are nothing but chaff.

It was hard for me to face the truth. But hey… can I say that Munasawagi Scarlet still and forever will ROCK MY SOCKS?!

So… now the news.

Maeda Atsuko to graduate. AKB48 fans cry. EW flips the middle finger and calls “bullshit” on this one.

Because that’s what is. Bullfuckinshit. I just can’t start to believe it. I mean, there’s no single shred of information concerning her reasons to graduate. It’s way too sudden. I’ll go ahead and presume she’s being gently retired for some weird and nasty shit she might have pulled off. I mean, come on… Maeda? Wouldn’t Takahashi make more sense (PLEASE GOD NOT HER)? I mean… Face of DA GROUP, anyone?

Meh… I’ll miss her, for sure. I mean, she was the 4th reason I got into AKB48 in the first place. She kinda looked like Kamei. Her smile is one of the greatest EVAR. Now I won’t see her smile in AKBwhateveriscalled’s show. Fuck you, MUMBOJUMBOPRODUCERPIECEOFSHIT.

EW is getting in W.O.T.A. mode.

Next…

Morning Musume meets Resident Evil.

Morning Musume’s next play, Stacies Shoujo Saisatsu Kageki, will see the light on June 6. The bummer is, that Aika (yaaay!) and Michishige (owwwwww…) won’t be appearing in this play. Dammit. Anyway, apparently some chicks get killed (in a gruesome way, I want to believe) and soon turn into zombies, or “Stacies”, and someone who might or might not be the President of a shady pharmaceutical company recruits a group of other chicks so they can exterminate those zombie-chicks. It sounds nice, doesn’t it? Personally, MM’s plays have never failed to amuse me; I’ve loved every single one of them. Now I can’t wait to see how “zombies” fit in with “songs about the matter at hand”.

What do I expect? A bitchy Tanaka dual-wielding some badass sawn-off shotguns and a Chainsaw-wielding Riho, all covered in blood, organs and shit. Not literal (but actually might be).

And finally, some random news:

  • Go Hiromi is going to get married. AGAIN.
  • Yûko’s wedding in July or something like that. HOORAY!
  • Hamasaki Ayumi gets divorce’d. BOOHOO.
  • AKB48 makes charity. Wins 1.8(ish) billion yens. HOLY FUCK.

 

And not a single fuck was given that day…

13 May

(This is not a comeback post. The proper comeback post is being processed in a half-assed manner so you can more-o-less enjoy it. I suck at writing, for sure)

So, you’ve heard? Wan-chan’s ass is finally out of MM. Huh.

Is it bad that I just don’t care?

It’s a pain in the ass to write this, but hey! She got out. So… kudos for Aika?

Uh… goodbye, Aika.

The Oracle, I am. Bow, thou must.

4 Jan

Remember when I said “WAAAA Ai is graduating! I can see the future! Niigaki is going to get fucked!”, and then I uploaded a photo of Risa? Wow, wasn’t that fuckin’ hilarious?!

Except that, now that it’s actually true, it’s not. God dammit, jokes sure get old. FAST.

So yeah.

Niigaki is graduating next spring! About time! I was like, completely and utterly damn sure that Risa, not Ai, was going to be the first one to get the short end of the stick. You can imagine my surprise (not) when Ai announced her graduation last year. Now, well… It’s the logical next step, isn’t it?

But for me, this closes another chapter in the huge book that MM is. For years, we have seen what’s left of the Golden Era’s MM leading the group, teaching juniors and taking names. For years now, the 5th generation became the face of MM, the only two familiar faces for the casual fans and hardcore fans alike. But as of this spring, that will be no more. The last Golden Era Momusu is graduating, and that leaves nothing but sad faces all over the world. I know, tragic, isn’t it?

In a personal level, I feel… old. Tired. Like I’m part of an older era, like I’m barely catching up to the times. I see Morning Musume and I see young girls. Some of them, I double in age. I look at them and I see the next generation getting in front of me, stopping me and leaving me behind with only the memories of the Musume that I used to know and love. In a way, it’s like I’m keeping myself behind, afraid of catching up with the new era, afraid it will disappoint me, or that it will simply not be the same. I just want to remember MM as it was when Kago was in it, when Mikitty was in it, when Koharu was in it. When Goto was in it…

And then, there’s another voice inside me.

And that voice says:

 

 

 

 

FUCK YOU, YOU GODDAMN PUSSY. I STILL AND ALWAYS WILL LOVE MORNING MUSUME.

(I sure know how to ruin the mood. I’m a master of this shit.)

For some reason, I deny myself to leave Morning Musume behind. I just can’t. I can’t help but love them… they have been for the longest time. They have been there, even if I occasionally get distracted by the sexier, or the prettier, or the more talented group all over the world. But in the end, I will always get back to them.

This is why, I can’t feel anything but happiness about this news. Niigaki is going to get an upgrade (hopefully) and go out to the real showbiz, to do what she wants without fearing the press, or the news! Niigaki, who gave us a lot of precious moments, is finally breaking free of the cage that UFA got her. Finally…

Finally…

 

Finally.

 

 

Finally?

 

 

 

FINALLY?!

 

 

 

 

FINALLY!

 

Morning Musume’s Sayumi Michishige is going to get the spot she always desired! RIIDA! RIIDA! RIIDA!

Not pictured: MY HUGE BONER.

That’s right! Logic tells me that Shige is going to get the spot. Why? Well, she’s the eldest. I can actually see her being the leader. What about Reina, you ask? Well, she has al the capabilities of becoming one, sure. It’s just… I mean, if Reina does get the leader spot, who will be in the front row?

Riho? She’s still too green. Sure, in a matter of years, months even, she is going to become an unstoppable force. She is going to be Takahashi Ai V 2.0; upgraded with cuter looks, prettier legs and everything. But as of now, she just can’t handle the huge responsibility of being in front. It’s just too much.

What about Aika? Wan-chan can’t possibly be in front. Not a chance. BUT she is sure to get the leader spot one day. She has that feeling, of course.

The others? Too green, even more so than Riho. Everyone’s singing is going to get better, of course, but all of them are barely learning how to do it. They would have to be very fast to manage in months what a lot of past girls couldn’t do in years.

So, Reina has to keep that place. She has to carry the weight of being in front, helped by Riho, Aika… and maybe Fukumura? I don’t know. I guess is best to keep everything as it was, plus having Michishige in the leader position. Maybe a tiny audition, perhaps? That combination can’t fail. What could possibly go wrong?

*smirk*

Takahashi Ai to leave. Graduation haters gonna graduation hate.

10 Jan

When I went to H!O I wasn’t really planning anything to do in there. “Maybe I’ll hang in Kago’s thread, or in Riho’s”, I said to myself. Then, I saw that the News Feed was updated. The very second I saw Takahashi’s name I knew what happened. She is going to graduate in the Autumn Tour. I covered my mouth with my hand as I smiled, but not a smile of joy, but one of nervousness. “Fuck Off”, I yelled. “Fuck you Tsunku, you’re just trolling us now. That, or I slept for 3 months straight and it is April 1st.”

It wasn’t.

You know, this was bound to happen, sooner or later. And it did take it’s fuckin’ sweet time, aye? You know, 10 FUCKIN’ YEARS ALREADY?! That’s a shitload of time. Actually, I was beginning to think she was never going to graduate. Like, EVER. But, that’d be a trashed talent, wouldn’t it? With her talent I might have graduated sooner, like 5 years or so after her addition. She would have been a kickass soloist back in the day when H!P was worth the time. That was what I was thinking, when I saw that she’s going to leave H!P, too.

“WHAT?!” I yelled, and now for real. “YOU FUCKIN’ ASSHOLES! You have fuckin’ Mano as a soloist but you graduate Takahashi just like that?! ARE YOU FUCKIN’ KIDDIN’ ME?!”. I calmed myself about a minute later. What’s up with that crap anyway? I mean, why would you graduate them from H!P too? They’re cash cows! You just don’t waste a cash cow like that! You squeeze it until they’re out of talent and finally go and sleep with older mans and smoke like they don’t give a fuck! That’s the way, aha aha, I like it!

Ok, now serious business. I do believe she’s going to have a succesful career outside H!P. UFA always seemed to be really biased over Takahashi, so sure, why not? I mean, she’s a crazy badass singer, so it’s not like she’ll disappear in the background. She has what it takes to be an Ayumi. An Amuro. She can be our next J-Pop Queen! Although I do feel a little worried. Now that Kamei is no more and Takahashi already saying bye-bye, Reina is going to get more shit to sing, and of course Risa is going to take Ai’s place. So, we have now 2 spots to fill. Who will fulfill the destiny of the semi-leading vocals?! Of course, it won’t be Sayumi. I love her, but I know she can’t sing, even if her life depended on it.

I’m sorry. But it’s the truth. You’re gorgeous BTW.

I have two suspects. One, it could be Riho. Two, it is or Fukumura, or Aika. I hate Aika and all she stand’s for. But I can’t deny her voice is kinda nice to hear (except when she’s singing nasally, I hate that shit). And I haven’t heard Fukumura, but she’s not Aika, so she’s not a crack whore to me, SO she’s good for now.

 

What do you think about this graduation? It took me for surprise (although I foreshadowed it in an earlier post… maybe I can see the future xD). I NEVER expected Takahashi’s graduation to be announced just after the past one. But it kinda makes sense at this point. Was UFA going to rest all of Morning Musume’s hopes in her, forever and ever? I don’t think so. Also, it is beginning to feel like the good ol’ Momusu. If next year they make another audition, I’m gonna love it.

PS: I’m very fuckin’ drunk and tired right now. Did you noticed?

-Evil Laugh-

5-nin Momusu. Again.

21 Dec

 

… it hurts a shitload more than expected.

Meh…

9 Aug

I have grown tired of graduations. I saw my all-time favorite member Goto Maki graduate. I saw Kago Ai graduate (and being fired). I saw Kaori graduate. It just doesn’t get to me anymore.

Nakazawa isn’t surprised either.

But I believe people are over-reacting to this new announcement.

Ok. If you hadn’t read anything about H!P recently, you might not know that Kamei Eri and the Pandas are graduating this fall. I was surprised, because I have never seen a 3-nin graduation. I got a little bit mad because of LinLin (seeing as she is my favorite member of this line up, just besides Michishige), and I too understood Kamei’s position. She’s ill, she needs treatment. I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE HOW YOU ALL FANS ARE SELFISH ENOUGH TO GET MAD AT HER OWN DECITION, GODDAMIT! -mad mode on-.

Ok, let’s get things straight. No, the girls are not supposed to be in the group like, forever. Yes, JunJun & LinLin didn’t had the exposure they deserved, so it’s for the best they graduate. I mean, back in China they had a (fairly small) fame, so if it’s true what I’ve read and Tsunku is still going to produce them (in any way possible) then their fame is only going to raise. And YES! Kamei has to treat her illness in order to stay in showbiz. And FUCK YES! There will be a 9th Generation! The first time in 3 motherfucking years Tsunku is going to move his ass and get some new girls.

“Hey Look! How can I give a fine fuck about auditions if I’m singing in a swamp while I rape some innocent flowers, huh?!”

Now, I have read a lot of blogs talking about these news, and all are like: “Booohooo, Now my top 3 is no longer here, boohooo I’m soo fuckin’ sad, boohooo WTF TSUNKU! Boohooo I’m way over Momusu now, gotta be an AKB48 wota”. Come on people, seriously, is it that bad? 9th Generation, anyone? Nope? Oh Zombie-Jesus. It’s all good! I mean, we get to see new faces, new personalities, new booties (ahem), and so on. I’m actually very excited about this. I mean, since when we haven’t got an actually INTERESTING personality in Momusu? Takahashi can’t be funny for shit nor can talk by herself, Niigaki is getting kinda old, Tanaka hasn’t changed since she got in the band (actually she was more interesting before with the Yankee stuff) and Mittens is boring as hell. Michishige is the only interesting personality now (you have to admit it, if it wasn’t for her Momusu wouldn’t have the exposure they are getting now. I mean, she’s the only one being invited to variety shows).

Michishige Sayumi — The only not-lame-ass personality in Morning Musume since Fujimoto Miki’s graduation. And Koharu Kusumi Too.

So now what? Very funny you ask. What? You didn’t? Oh, well, then I just have to answer it fucker.

Momusu has to go to the “get relevant or die” road. It was a serious blow to the fandom because there are fewer girls to love than before. The auditions are a good thing, and graduations more-o-less good too. For now on I hope Tsunku gets some cocaine in his coffee, so for a change we can have some REAL  music (not shit like Mikan).

You heard me? You’re shit.

Oh God. I don’t wanna know what will happen when Takahashi OR Reina graduate. Now that’s going to be an apocalypse for sure.

Hehe. Enjoy this smile while you ca~an ♥.
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