Archive | September, 2010

Fandom VS The Explosive Wota. Or “Why do I call myself a wota if I hate their guts?!”

28 Sep

You all know the story  a bit too well. You saw it with Kago. You saw it with Goto. You saw it with Fukuda (yes, believe it or not, Fukuda HAD fans). You saw it with all the entire Elder Club, goddamnit. And you could always hear this horrific war cry, this scream that would make Jesus crap his pants and hide behind Papa’s chair. What’s the rare, strange, primitive and stupid being that just made that horrible sound? Oh yeah.

Does it begin with “Kanye” or ends with “West”?

The Fans, of course. Or as they call themselves, Wotas (that’s nothing to be proud of, but they feel wished by the opposite sex when they say they are this).

Fans are just like an annoying girlfriend. She’s all “I love you” when you give her what she wants, but she can become a self-centered paranoid bitch when you do something wrong, like smoking, dating old men, dating comedians, dating douchebags, or “dropping out to finish you school education” (wich we are going to call “An Asspull” from now on). The might even kick you in the groin! (And will if provoked).

One thing is sure. They DO love you, so that’s a start. But for each good trait they have, a shitload of defects follows them. They are psychopaths, pedophiles (seriously, I don’t know how can they see “legal” some 40+ old mans hanging out in a great stadium (or dome, whatever) to see S/mileage), crazy sociopaths (<- spelling, anyone?), or just plain stupid people with a really big paranoia.

Pictured above: Non-Legal shit. So move along, you overweighted dipshit.

“OH MAH GAWD, Gomaki saw Nakai-kun for more than 3 second, they are totally dating!” or “Fuck Miki’s husband, I just wish the little bitch burns in hell!” or “Itano Tomomi’s ass is way better than any other AKB48 girl, because I say so!”, and some more crap like that. If you actually do love H!P, you are (most probably) one of said persons. If you aren’t, then you have definitely get in a conversation like this:

You: Oh, hi! – Wota: Hi lol. – You: Do you know the good news? Iida is going to get married! – Wota: OMGLOLBBQ, is that for real?! – You: Yeah. – Wota: Who’s the whore?! – You: What? – Wota: WHO’S THE DICK THAT FEELS HE CAN MARRY MY KAORIN?!?! – You: Relax man, he seems like a good guy. – Wota: Good guy my ass! He is motherfucking worm, and should die, like you if you support him! – You: Whatever dude, I’m outta here. – Wota: FUCK YOU! I LIVE IN JAPAN AND KNOW AIBON BECAUSE I TALK TO HER TROUGH HER MYSPACE, AND I DON’T EVEN CARE IF THAT MYSPACE LOOKS MORE FAKE THAN MICHAEL’S NOSE! MY COUSIN IS IN AKB48 AND SHE IS GOING TO INTRODUCE ME TO THE PERFUME GIRLS! I HAVE EVERY H!P SINGLE/ALBUMS AND HAVE ATTENDED EVERY CONCERT! BLARGHABABLABAJJB!!

Seriously, what the hell?

Ooooh, but don’t try to make them see their wrong doings or attack their poor choice of words, because they will begin a rant that won’t finish until you get really pissed off at them (by the time this happens, they might disappear and you would never be able to hear from them again), or they die.

Most likely scenario.

So, conclusions:

  • They can’t write for shit.
  • They can’t be nice for shit.
  • They seem to know what things piss you off, always.
  • They are found everywhere.
  • Their only argument is that everyone else in the world except their idol and them are bitches.
  • Don’t fight them. You would think they are just trolling, but nope. People actually think like that.
  • They are capable of everything, just to prove you wrong.
  • Their obsession knows of no limits.
  • They will try to insult you, even if said insult has no sense or proof whatsoever.
  • They are immature.
  • Their moms are men.

Little sometimes means BIG, HEAVY, BITCHIN’ AND AWESOME SHIT!

19 Sep

I hate “LOL”. I just hate it. When I see it on YouTube or in Facebook, I get automatically pissed at whoever is the bitch who wrote it. Like, when the fuck did the good old laugh got old? I hate it when people start to shorten the words. Fuck, we are living in a world with fuckin’ languages damn! Show some fuckin’ respect to the people who came up with them dammit!

Well, whatever. Just wanted to express my opinion (like somebody is going to give a shit about it).

Anyway, I’m going to write an article about shorts. And I mean, short not like in clothing, short like in little freakin’ midgets. Yes I know: “Hey dude, you’re supposed to talk about H!P! You’re totally not a H!P fan if you don’t write articles about H!P, you H!P traitor!”. Yeah? Well fuck you. This is my blog and if I feel like freaking writing about god dammed short people then for fuck’s sake I’m going to do it. Damn.

Anyway… One of them, is of course, Al Pacino.

How can Al Pacino dress like a god damn homeless guy AND still look hot?! I have tried that for 6 years and I can’t still look like him!

Al Pacino. Ah. The only man I would allow to touch my ass and get away with it (apart of Tsunku and myself, of course). He may not be handsome right now, but back in the day of “Scarface”… he was a god of hotness. I mean, look at the man in his late 30s/early 40s! He had such a presence… such a strong face… Heck, I might even be turning gay for all I know! But if it because of Pacino, then that’s alright. If it were for like, Justin Bieber or one of the Jonas Brothers, I would kick myself senseless. Because one thing is being attracted to anything and other REAAAALLY different is to don’t have any sense of appeal whatsoever.

God, I’d love to grow up to become just like Pacino in my 40s.

Then, who comes next? Yes, it is Dakota “SHUT THE FUCK UP, BITCH!” Fanning.

If you don’t get the joke, you should totally check out War Of The Worlds.

Although I hate War Of The Worlds, and I hate every single character in it, I’m going to tell you something: Dakota grew to become a beautiful woman. Just check out that image up there. She just looks HAWT. Although it might be camera angle doing the work, but she is really beautiful. Also, she was in Charlotte’s Web and Coraline, so that gives her extra points (at least for me).

And talking about War Of The Worlds…

He’s staring right at your soul.

Uhm… well, let us keep on. I don’t want my sofa to be jumped on.

And well, of course, who can forget Danny DeVito?

This little guy is supposed to be Arnold’s twin in some movie. Right.

Danny DeVito has directed a lot of movies, while at the same time he has starred in most of them. But my personal favorite is Matilda. That movie rocked in a lot of levels. I know every single line DeVito nad the little girl who plays Matilda (sorry, forgot her name) says in the movie; that’s pretty much how I like it. The guy is extremely funny. And to direct a movie in which you appear is really badass too. I mean, how did he commands the others if the freaking camera is right at his fucking face? I DON’T UNDERSTAND!

And next, Ellen Page. My Goddess.

Love her.

Juno. Just Juno.

And, to all of you who wants some H!P, we have Yaguchi Mari.

OH. MY. GORILLA.

She has everything I love in a woman. I’m not kidding.

-She is smart.

-She is fucking loud.

-She is beautiful.

-She is pocket size.

-She has BIG eyes.

-She is sweet.

-She hates milk.

-She has an awesome laugh.

-She is small.

-She uses dresses.

-She can use a dress without looking like a total whore.

-She loves dogs.

-She loves video games.

-She loves manga.

-She is little.

-She is a natural comedian.

-She can get her voice heard. And gives a damn about somebody thinking ill of her because of it.

-She has chubby cheeks.

-She is the only woman who can pull of getting her hair golden-colored without looking like a complete retard.

-She is energetic.

-She looks like 18 but is 10 years older than that.

-Did I mention in any way her low stature?

So yeah, this post was pretty much senseless. You might as well get used to some shit like this.

Cute Chibi Sayumi is cute.

1 Sep

This girl is epic. If you think otherwise, you might very well be retarded or a Wan-chan (read: Aika) fan.

As you might guess, I love Sayu. She’s my #4 in my Musume Top 5 , my #7 in my H!P Top 10, and my #11 in my J-Pop GRRRLS Top 20. She’s pretty much the average girl I would want to have a long-lasting relationship. And if luck is at my side, maybe I will marry her someday! Oh, we would have 3 girls and one boy, and the four will be the prettiest cute little bastards evaaar! That sounds cool, ain’t it?

But enough. Looks like the new semi-single is going to kick ass. I heard the leaked version, and although shitty in what audio refers, it sounded catchy and pretty lively. Just what the Musumes are really lacking of lately. I mean, who can forget “Joshi Kashimashi Monogatari”, hyper “Koko ni Iruzee!” or the legendary (and heavily overrated) “Souda We’re ALIVE!”? Heck, I was even taking a liking for Mikan, and I hate that fucking song. Although recently I have been moving my legs with its rythm, so most likely thing to happen it’s that I’m going to like it in the end. Fuck.

But while I wait for my Love MACHINE to happen, I can has some sushi?

“I can has some TakaMichi sushi and JunJun sauce? -waits- Nya… -the meal arrives, with an extra ingredient- FUCKIN’ SHIT IS DIS, DOG! FUCKIN’ AIKA JUICE?! GET DIS SHIT OUTTA MAH FACE!”

I just hope that crazy motherfucker with this little symbol (♂) gets his ass out of his chair and does something productive. He totally has to make “Moonlight Night ~Tsukiyo no ban da yo~” a freaking single. That song totally rocks my world producing crazy ass explosions that destroy everything in sight… or a TRMWPCAETDEIS. Damn, too long, have to make it shorter.

I mean, that song makes me shake my head till it explodes. Has the right beat, the right mix of instruments, the right balance of music (to make it shorter, Kamei, Reina, Takahashi, and Niigaki with Sayumi in the last solo. That’s how it is supposed to be, isn’t it?). Just love the song. It was Love At First Heard.

But the sushi song that’s what I’m looking out for. I like ridiculous and weird shit, and if the song is like that, I’m, most probably, going to be satisfied. Very satisfied.

And a Yaguchi image just for the kicks.
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