The Oracle, I am. Bow, thou must.

Remember when I said “WAAAA Ai is graduating! I can see the future! Niigaki is going to get fucked!”, and then I uploaded a photo of Risa? Wow, wasn’t that fuckin’ hilarious?!

Except that, now that it’s actually true, it’s not. God dammit, jokes sure get old. FAST.

So yeah.

Niigaki is graduating next spring! About time! I was like, completely and utterly damn sure that Risa, not Ai, was going to be the first one to get the short end of the stick. You can imagine my surprise (not) when Ai announced her graduation last year. Now, well… It’s the logical next step, isn’t it?

But for me, this closes another chapter in the huge book that MM is. For years, we have seen what’s left of the Golden Era’s MM leading the group, teaching juniors and taking names. For years now, the 5th generation became the face of MM, the only two familiar faces for the casual fans and hardcore fans alike. But as of this spring, that will be no more. The last Golden Era Momusu is graduating, and that leaves nothing but sad faces all over the world. I know, tragic, isn’t it?

In a personal level, I feel… old. Tired. Like I’m part of an older era, like I’m barely catching up to the times. I see Morning Musume and I see young girls. Some of them, I double in age. I look at them and I see the next generation getting in front of me, stopping me and leaving me behind with only the memories of the Musume that I used to know and love. In a way, it’s like I’m keeping myself behind, afraid of catching up with the new era, afraid it will disappoint me, or that it will simply not be the same. I just want to remember MM as it was when Kago was in it, when Mikitty was in it, when Koharu was in it. When Goto was in it…

And then, there’s another voice inside me.

And that voice says:

 

 

 

 

FUCK YOU, YOU GODDAMN PUSSY. I STILL AND ALWAYS WILL LOVE MORNING MUSUME.

(I sure know how to ruin the mood. I’m a master of this shit.)

For some reason, I deny myself to leave Morning Musume behind. I just can’t. I can’t help but love them… they have been for the longest time. They have been there, even if I occasionally get distracted by the sexier, or the prettier, or the more talented group all over the world. But in the end, I will always get back to them.

This is why, I can’t feel anything but happiness about this news. Niigaki is going to get an upgrade (hopefully) and go out to the real showbiz, to do what she wants without fearing the press, or the news! Niigaki, who gave us a lot of precious moments, is finally breaking free of the cage that UFA got her. Finally…

Finally…

 

Finally.

 

 

Finally?

 

 

 

FINALLY?!

 

 

 

 

FINALLY!

 

Morning Musume’s Sayumi Michishige is going to get the spot she always desired! RIIDA! RIIDA! RIIDA!

Not pictured: MY HUGE BONER.

That’s right! Logic tells me that Shige is going to get the spot. Why? Well, she’s the eldest. I can actually see her being the leader. What about Reina, you ask? Well, she has al the capabilities of becoming one, sure. It’s just… I mean, if Reina does get the leader spot, who will be in the front row?

Riho? She’s still too green. Sure, in a matter of years, months even, she is going to become an unstoppable force. She is going to be Takahashi Ai V 2.0; upgraded with cuter looks, prettier legs and everything. But as of now, she just can’t handle the huge responsibility of being in front. It’s just too much.

What about Aika? Wan-chan can’t possibly be in front. Not a chance. BUT she is sure to get the leader spot one day. She has that feeling, of course.

The others? Too green, even more so than Riho. Everyone’s singing is going to get better, of course, but all of them are barely learning how to do it. They would have to be very fast to manage in months what a lot of past girls couldn’t do in years.

So, Reina has to keep that place. She has to carry the weight of being in front, helped by Riho, Aika… and maybe Fukumura? I don’t know. I guess is best to keep everything as it was, plus having Michishige in the leader position. Maybe a tiny audition, perhaps? That combination can’t fail. What could possibly go wrong?

*smirk*

Chill the fuck up UFA!

Well, for starters I haven’t posted in what? 2, almost 3 months? COME ON! I just got a new girlfriend and I couldn’t care less for you guys. But now, you my fellow H!P followers, will receive some World-Class, Heavy Bad-Ass Shit, Explosive Wota Style!

My homie Obama showing your lazy ass how the hell it’s done.

Therefore I begin with the main fuckin’ topic of this week. Or month. Whatever.

*dramatic music*

FUCKIN’ MOMUSU’S 10TH GENERATION

AND

FUCKIN’ S/MILEAGE’S 2ND GENERATION

Remember when I said “Oh bro, it’ll rock if the Musume’s got another audition out the next year”? Well, fuck me but I think I might be a fortune-teller. Because shit, seems like every time I write something it becomes true. It happened with Takahashi’s graduation (well that’s a given, with she staying in the group for 10 years and all). So, some time ago I was just getting home from a specially boring day at work and well, I just wanted to relax. I went to my PC and said “Oh god, I’m going to see what’s happenin’ on H!O. Maybe another boring as hell Pocket Question, why not…”, so I got in the site and OHMYGOD.

The announcement felt a bit rash, as if the mere thought of Takahashi leaving got UFA shitting their pants. They are losing a great deal of talent in the group, and sure, Risa and Reina can make up for her, but honestly, all the wotas seem to be all over Takahashi. That means a serious damage to the fan base, and I can foresee a serious damage to the singles $$$ as well. But all in all, I think this is their way of making up for no change in Momusu’s line-up in what, 3 years?

A lot of people are freakin’ out about this, you know? The good ol’ “They changed it now it sucks” shit. Yeah, I do spend some time on TVTropes, so fuckin’ what?

But hey, that’s something that has always happened. But they are freakin’ out mostly because the announcement being made not a half-year since the new members were announced. But hey, this has happened before, hasn’t it? 4th to 5th Generation, anyone? When Takahashi & Friends joined the two freaks, the girly one and the manly one had been only for a year or so. And well, this audition has just been announced, and that means we won’t be seeing the actual 10th Generation for, say, another 4-5 months. IF there’s a 10th Generation at all. We all know how Tsunku can fuck up our shit anytime he feels like it.

Pictured: Tsunku’s hair is F**KIN’ AWESOME.

Still, I just have one tiny complication right here. I’m getting old, you know? I’m going to be 23 this year, and what does that mean? That EVERY SINGLE MEMBER IS GOING TO BE YOUNGER THAN ME. And what’s worse, I’M GOING TO BE A FAN OF A 13-YEAR OLD. Now I’m not really annoyed by that fact, but by the fact that every passing year since the moment Takahashi graduates I’m going to fall, bit by bit, into the category of a “Common Wota”. Now THAT’S A PROBLEM. Should I keep with Morning Musume, or switch around for the older, sexier and not so, uhm, “embarrassingformeandmyego-er” Dream Musume?

 

But what I really didn’t expect was S/Mileage’s 2nd Generation. Epic mind-rape right there. I mean, I thought the 4-girl group thing really worked well. But it seems the folks at UFA aren’t as fond of these girls as I am. It’s just like they are so fuckin’ high on crack and coke that they don’t give a single fuck about anything.

“What an exotic bunch of racial diversity we have here! Only one, maybe two of us look slightly japanese! But all of us work on UFA!… oh yeah, we are high on crack and coke. Fuck S/Mileage. Blah blah.”

But hey, whatever. I don’t really listen to S/Mileage, so yeah. Still, it amazes me. I bet the next thing we are going to hear about is Miyavi’s graduation or, I don’t know, that Mano is going to get in AKB48 or that Chisato is totally getting a solo single. Oh, wait…

Heh heh… I totally doubt she could enter in AKB48, she doesn’t have the body to rOMGWTFISWRONGWITHYOURFACE?!

 

HOLY SHIT.

10th Generation? ALFUCKIN’READY?!

Holy fuck, I CAN see the future!

My expression right now.

(Yeah yeah, I haven’t posted in what, a couple o’ months? Shut up, I’m getting into it.)

9th Generation AND Kikkawa Yuu. Awesome Announcement Is Awesome.

Just when I thought Morning Musume couldn’t get any more badass, 9th generation kicks (a shitload of asses) in.

I was REALLY excited about the announcement I almost forgot to eat. And drink alcohol. I was staring at Wotachat, waiting for something, or someone who could get this impatience out of me. My legs couldn’t stop shaking, and I was wondering who might get in MM. And at the same time praying that Tsunku wouldn’t fuck this shit up, and then, THE ANNOUNCEMENT. Someone over Wotachat was telling us the results (Thanks Murr! I’m your bitch now!), and I couldn’t believe guys at UFA stopped being such dicks and get things straight this time.

I’m really happy! I really am. I haven’t been this happy since 5th gen audition (although at the time I was like “Meh” for Konno. Now, I totally love her) and satisfied too. I mean, when was the last time MM had a really strong singer?!

Explosive Isamu Presents: The 9th Generation.

Sayashi Riho: The “If-it-wasn’t-for-MM-she-would-be-in-AKB” girl.

The cutie of the 4. Also, Tsunku is totally checking out her pre-teen boobs. Bad, BAD man.

I have to start with the talent. OF COURSE. She excelled at everything in the auditions, so why wouldn’t she be (in an alternate timeline, where I’m Tsunku and I’m doing Takahashi) in the group? She was destined to be in MM, right? WRONG. I don’t know what the fuck’s up with these guys at UFA, but they have a thing for sending back home the real talent in the auditions. *cofKusumicofKoharucof*. If you see a girl this age with all that talent, you will be retarded to let her go. Seriously, she’s like Takahashi’s talent, with a bit of Reina’s attitude and confidence and Sayumi’s cuteness.

Suzuki Kanon: The average girl.

“Glad she’s in Momusu, so I can get a chance to figure her out!” – AoiUsa.

I kinda get what AoiUsa means. It’s like, really, what’s so appealing about this girl? I don’t know. I just don’t. May be her smile (she has a cute little smile) or how she sings. She looks really energetic and happy, so I can’t complain anyways. But surely, this girl feels like a mistery to me. Or maybe, just maybe… do I see some resemblance to Ishikawa here? I mean, her face’s shape is identical… I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. Stop asking. Her singing is OK, but she can improve. Not like Riho. She’s perfect. I’m so biased. Kill me please.

Ikuta Erina: The mature(ish) girl.

Tsunku is unimpressed and rolls eyes. Me too. For now.

Hey, do I see another Eri in here? She gives me that vibe. When Eri was in the group, I was like: “Meh, this girl is not going far”. And then, OMG ERIC KAMEZOU IS FUCKIN’ FUNNY I’D TOTALLY LET HIM BANG ME OH WAIT HE IS A GIRL THAT’S FUCKED UP. Therefore, I have a lot of my hope in her. She has that kind of potential, that, when used right, can be really explosive! And she’s a natural beauty, so that gives her extra points. Her only bad thing is that she seems to lack confidence, but hell, we have Riho for that, don’t we?

Fukumura Mizuki: The experienced girl.

I feel so guilty for not knowing anything about her sooner.

The Egg world is an unknown one to me. I barely know Sezaki Azusa (who has disappeared. Thank to AoiUsa (or it was Murr?) for pointing that out. Thanks for bursting my bubble, dammit. Now I’m going to stalk you and pop your ass off. That’s a joke. Not. Not.) because I found her utterly cute when she was announced. And the ones I knew are in S/mileage or MIA. So yeah, I don’t know what to expect from this girl, but I’m certain that in due time I’ll get to know more about her. Congratulations to this girl for being the only Egg chosen for MM!

That being said, I love how the 9th generation came to be. I see a really badass year ahead of us!

ALSO! Last but certainly not least, Kikkawa Yuu! HECK YEAH! MOST EPIC SOLOIST IN H!P DAMMIT! CHOKE ON THAT SHIT MANOERI! I’m kidding, I love ya, Mano. More-o-less. But this is great news, amirite? H!P has been lacking soloists, and Kikka is a really beautiful one (Notice: How I don’t give a flying fuck about her voice), and she really deserved to have an actual career in music. “Hey, being an Egg is having a career in music!”. Shut up. I only care about sales, singles, albums, performances and money. And Eggs don’t have that, do they? ANSWER: NO. So fuck off.

CUTE.

How does it feel to not be special anymore, huh?

2011 rules already.

Meh…

I have grown tired of graduations. I saw my all-time favorite member Goto Maki graduate. I saw Kago Ai graduate (and being fired). I saw Kaori graduate. It just doesn’t get to me anymore.

Nakazawa isn’t surprised either.

But I believe people are over-reacting to this new announcement.

Ok. If you hadn’t read anything about H!P recently, you might not know that Kamei Eri and the Pandas are graduating this fall. I was surprised, because I have never seen a 3-nin graduation. I got a little bit mad because of LinLin (seeing as she is my favorite member of this line up, just besides Michishige), and I too understood Kamei’s position. She’s ill, she needs treatment. I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE HOW YOU ALL FANS ARE SELFISH ENOUGH TO GET MAD AT HER OWN DECITION, GODDAMIT! -mad mode on-.

Ok, let’s get things straight. No, the girls are not supposed to be in the group like, forever. Yes, JunJun & LinLin didn’t had the exposure they deserved, so it’s for the best they graduate. I mean, back in China they had a (fairly small) fame, so if it’s true what I’ve read and Tsunku is still going to produce them (in any way possible) then their fame is only going to raise. And YES! Kamei has to treat her illness in order to stay in showbiz. And FUCK YES! There will be a 9th Generation! The first time in 3 motherfucking years Tsunku is going to move his ass and get some new girls.

“Hey Look! How can I give a fine fuck about auditions if I’m singing in a swamp while I rape some innocent flowers, huh?!”

Now, I have read a lot of blogs talking about these news, and all are like: “Booohooo, Now my top 3 is no longer here, boohooo I’m soo fuckin’ sad, boohooo WTF TSUNKU! Boohooo I’m way over Momusu now, gotta be an AKB48 wota”. Come on people, seriously, is it that bad? 9th Generation, anyone? Nope? Oh Zombie-Jesus. It’s all good! I mean, we get to see new faces, new personalities, new booties (ahem), and so on. I’m actually very excited about this. I mean, since when we haven’t got an actually INTERESTING personality in Momusu? Takahashi can’t be funny for shit nor can talk by herself, Niigaki is getting kinda old, Tanaka hasn’t changed since she got in the band (actually she was more interesting before with the Yankee stuff) and Mittens is boring as hell. Michishige is the only interesting personality now (you have to admit it, if it wasn’t for her Momusu wouldn’t have the exposure they are getting now. I mean, she’s the only one being invited to variety shows).

Michishige Sayumi — The only not-lame-ass personality in Morning Musume since Fujimoto Miki’s graduation. And Koharu Kusumi Too.

So now what? Very funny you ask. What? You didn’t? Oh, well, then I just have to answer it fucker.

Momusu has to go to the “get relevant or die” road. It was a serious blow to the fandom because there are fewer girls to love than before. The auditions are a good thing, and graduations more-o-less good too. For now on I hope Tsunku gets some cocaine in his coffee, so for a change we can have some REAL  music (not shit like Mikan).

You heard me? You’re shit.

Oh God. I don’t wanna know what will happen when Takahashi OR Reina graduate. Now that’s going to be an apocalypse for sure.

Hehe. Enjoy this smile while you ca~an ♥.