Tag Archives: Ayumi Hamasaki

EW’s take on J-pop | What music does EW really listen to? | Latest(ish) H!P & AKB48 News

13 May

Hey, how’s it going! EW’s back in the game, bitches!

So, it has been some crazy 4 months and a half, right? Shitload of uh, shit has been going down lately, and DAMN! It got me with my trousers halfway my legs (and by this I mean SURPRISE BUTSECKS). But first things first.

Some time ago, some random dude whose name was hilariously stupid asked me what kind of music I use to hear. My favorite genre, if you will. I  was talking with another H!P hardcore fan that happened to be friends of my girl (WHO IS SO CUTE, BTW), so I said: “J-Pop all the way!”. But I guess he didn’t believe me, because the look on his face was like: “You fuckin’ wannabe Wota motherfucker asshole shit”, like he was the real deal and I was not.

He looked something like this. Douchebag scum.

And this is me… I uh… oh.

Anyway, he interrogated me for what felt like a couple of minutes ’till I finally grew tired of his bullshit. I don’t like being harassed by what kind of music do I hear, or why do I hear it. It’s music, dammit! LET ME HEAR IT ALONE, YOU BASTARD.

So yeah. Have you ever wondered what kind of music do I hear? I bet you have. So this is the answer.

Anything’s good.

Of course, there are a couple of genre that I dislike. For example I can’t stand Reggaeton, I fuckin’ hate salsa, rumba, cumbia, duranguense and so on (genres that over hear, in Mexico, people like a lot), and I’m not specially fond of the rock of the 50’s & 60’s. I personally believe that The Beatles are way too overrated. And I actually kind of like Nickelback. Yeah, I KNOW. NICKELBACK, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

I have never, ever inclined my taste in music for a lone genre. I love Reggae, 70’s & 80’s Rock, J-Pop (well, obviously my dear little angels) and some Rap. While not a fan, I enjoy Dubstep. I could hear to every Metal style out there and I don’t dislike Pop at all. So my taste in music could be flawless or really fuckin’ horrible, depending on your point of view or who do you ask.

So after I tried to make this fucker understand what was up with me, he began preaching me about J-Pop like I hadn’t been a fan for like the LAST DECADE. He told me it was the best music he ever heard, that everyone should just hear it and fall in love with it. And then I stopped him, because his argument was laughable at best.

Don’t get me wrong. J-Pop is something so amazing for me that I could almost jizz in my pants when the likes of Yûko or Maeda Atsuko start singing. But actually, I’m quite aware that J-Pop may be one of the most horrible genres in the whole world… it is, definitely and without fear of being corrected, the most ridiculous one.

There are plenty of amazing songs, I won’t deny that. There is a reason why LOVE Machine sold a TRILLION of copies. There is a reason why AKB48 has sold so much in the past 4 years. There is a reason why people like Henkka (who has an amazing taste in music, BTW) like to hear all that shit. My god, there’s a reason why here in the West people hear J-Pop, even when we have so much amazing stuff over here (well… not recent & popular stuff, that is).

 It didn’t sell a trillion. But sometimes I like to pretend it did. MOMUSU FTW.

But in general, they kind of suck. Not because they have poor quality, but because they hear just like the FUCKTON OTHER SONGS I HAVE ALREADY HEARD.

I don’t even have to give you all examples. Just compare most B-side songs in each single, look me in the eyes and swear for your butthole’s safety that you don’t think it sounds way too familiar. Just do it. You won’t regret it… or maybe you will, because fuck it, it hurts. Little things like those make me believe that Tsunku’s (or to be precise, UFA’s) effort in producing a well-rounded, nice to hear song are nothing but chaff.

It was hard for me to face the truth. But hey… can I say that Munasawagi Scarlet still and forever will ROCK MY SOCKS?!

So… now the news.

Maeda Atsuko to graduate. AKB48 fans cry. EW flips the middle finger and calls “bullshit” on this one.

Because that’s what is. Bullfuckinshit. I just can’t start to believe it. I mean, there’s no single shred of information concerning her reasons to graduate. It’s way too sudden. I’ll go ahead and presume she’s being gently retired for some weird and nasty shit she might have pulled off. I mean, come on… Maeda? Wouldn’t Takahashi make more sense (PLEASE GOD NOT HER)? I mean… Face of DA GROUP, anyone?

Meh… I’ll miss her, for sure. I mean, she was the 4th reason I got into AKB48 in the first place. She kinda looked like Kamei. Her smile is one of the greatest EVAR. Now I won’t see her smile in AKBwhateveriscalled’s show. Fuck you, MUMBOJUMBOPRODUCERPIECEOFSHIT.

EW is getting in W.O.T.A. mode.

Next…

Morning Musume meets Resident Evil.

Morning Musume’s next play, Stacies Shoujo Saisatsu Kageki, will see the light on June 6. The bummer is, that Aika (yaaay!) and Michishige (owwwwww…) won’t be appearing in this play. Dammit. Anyway, apparently some chicks get killed (in a gruesome way, I want to believe) and soon turn into zombies, or “Stacies”, and someone who might or might not be the President of a shady pharmaceutical company recruits a group of other chicks so they can exterminate those zombie-chicks. It sounds nice, doesn’t it? Personally, MM’s plays have never failed to amuse me; I’ve loved every single one of them. Now I can’t wait to see how “zombies” fit in with “songs about the matter at hand”.

What do I expect? A bitchy Tanaka dual-wielding some badass sawn-off shotguns and a Chainsaw-wielding Riho, all covered in blood, organs and shit. Not literal (but actually might be).

And finally, some random news:

  • Go Hiromi is going to get married. AGAIN.
  • Yûko’s wedding in July or something like that. HOORAY!
  • Hamasaki Ayumi gets divorce’d. BOOHOO.
  • AKB48 makes charity. Wins 1.8(ish) billion yens. HOLY FUCK.

 

HUGE NEWS! (And my reaction!) || My opinions about the oncoming Kouhaku

22 Dec

Hey, Ladies & Gentlemen. I have a bunch of news to share with you, starting with the most “DAFUQ” entry and finishing with something more like “Oh…”. So yeah.

LOVE BASKET IS MARRIED AND PREGNANT!

Today I was all like: “Hey, I’m going to check out Generasia, it’s been a while.”

And hilarity ensued.

I was checkin’ all the news (“ISSA getting married, what the hell?” and multiple news about how AKB48 is outselling every idol group ever) until I saw Kago’s face. You can guess my very first reaction, no?

“Here we go again…”

You get why, don’t you? I mean, disaster after disaster is only logical to facepalm oneself when seeing Kago’s face all over the news. But this was an exception. Suddenly I realized there was not one, but two words that proved that everything that I used to think as true was nothing but bullshit. Which words, you say?

PREGNANCY

MARRIAGE

I looked for some seconds the heading of the post. It was like my mind couldn’t handle what was in front of me. But it was true. In that moment I didn’t waste time at all: I jumped out of my seat and began laughing nervously, like if I was seeing something that was bizarre, wrong in every way. “I don’t believe it. I can’t.”, I muttered, completely astonished about what was I seeing. The reality hit me: Kago Ai, the lovely and fucked up Aibon, was getting married and pregnant with a “Mini Kago-chan”, as she herself put it.

I did exactly that. I got excited for less than a second and then I put my Serious Face on. I had to be sure. Nobody gets between me and the truth.

I went to Hello!Online and the same. Everyone on Kago’s thread is talking about her. I went to International Wota, and the same. Then I got up, and looked at the computer. I point with both hands to it and smiled… “You’re pretty good.”

This is huge. And what’s even more fascinating is the seemingly affection the rest of the Momusu gang gives to her. Tsuji, Ogawa, Mikitty and even Yaguchi (!!!) congratulated her. It’s good to know that although still being a persona non-grata in UFA’s eyes, the rest of the girls still care for her, even a little. I am glad… for some reason, I believe this thing is going to work out pretty well. Even if I bashed her because of the little incident 3 months ago, I am led to believe this is going to make her mature. Not the marriage thingy (nobody knows for sure who she is marrying, but some believe it is to the “Yakuza Guy” the news spoke about. Is the baby I am talking about… GOD! I just can’t get it in my head! Little Aibon is going to be Kago-mama! Congrats!

(Go here to see Generasia’s post about it)

And now…

GOTO MAKI TAKES HIATUS. FANS START BITCHIN’.

Now that’s sad. Apparently the events surrounding her mother (R.I.P) are the main reason for taking this hiatus. I’m sure the impact was huge to her; losing a family member isn’t easy, at all. The hiatus is going to start next month… and as for the reasons… she seems to want a normal life, a life where not only she does not need to live in a world where a single mistake can ruin you ENTIRELY. But a world that’s full of hypocrisy, of cruelty and lies. While I don’t particularly like the idea (she’s my very first Momusu, after all), if she wants to do this, I give her my full support. She didn’t give any particular detail about the hiatus, so we don’t know if it is temporal, permanent or if she hasn’t decided which it is yet. I guess we only have to wait. In the meantime… SEE YOU SOON, GOTO MAKI!

Until next time :D

Next stop…

AKB48 GETS AN ANIME. AND TOMO-CHIN IS NOT IN IT. THE BASTARDS.

Yes! Japan’s current top Idol group, AKB48 (yeah, eat that shit, H!P followers!), is getting an anime adaptation that will begin airing in April-ish. And what’s the plot? In a long time there’s going to exist an underground “guerilla” Idol group called AKB0048, in a universe where entertainment is forbidden and apparently the Universal Police act like Pixies and try to fuck up everyone who haves fun. Oh yeah, and the Earth is destroyed. Or inhabitable. Or something. AKB0048 then entertains the space and defies the Universal Police by… singing. And Tomomi is dead (I presume).

Yeah, it’s that absurd. No, I didn’t make that up. Of course, I’m going to watch that shit.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

And finally…

KOUHAKU!

It seems this year’s edition is going to rock! Such amazing performers as Koda Kumi, Porno Grafitti, SMAP, Go Hiromi, AYAKA, Matsuda Seiko (♥), Hamasaki Ayumi (well, of course), Shiina Ringo, Perfume (YEAH!), and Tomomi & Friends are going to be present for the festival. I hope to be at Japan when it is celebrated, so I can have a massive FANGASM. Oh yeah!

And once again, Morning Musume’s absence in the festival is the most noticeable. I can only hope for them to appear in the next one.

Takahashi Ai to leave. Graduation haters gonna graduation hate.

10 Jan

When I went to H!O I wasn’t really planning anything to do in there. “Maybe I’ll hang in Kago’s thread, or in Riho’s”, I said to myself. Then, I saw that the News Feed was updated. The very second I saw Takahashi’s name I knew what happened. She is going to graduate in the Autumn Tour. I covered my mouth with my hand as I smiled, but not a smile of joy, but one of nervousness. “Fuck Off”, I yelled. “Fuck you Tsunku, you’re just trolling us now. That, or I slept for 3 months straight and it is April 1st.”

It wasn’t.

You know, this was bound to happen, sooner or later. And it did take it’s fuckin’ sweet time, aye? You know, 10 FUCKIN’ YEARS ALREADY?! That’s a shitload of time. Actually, I was beginning to think she was never going to graduate. Like, EVER. But, that’d be a trashed talent, wouldn’t it? With her talent I might have graduated sooner, like 5 years or so after her addition. She would have been a kickass soloist back in the day when H!P was worth the time. That was what I was thinking, when I saw that she’s going to leave H!P, too.

“WHAT?!” I yelled, and now for real. “YOU FUCKIN’ ASSHOLES! You have fuckin’ Mano as a soloist but you graduate Takahashi just like that?! ARE YOU FUCKIN’ KIDDIN’ ME?!”. I calmed myself about a minute later. What’s up with that crap anyway? I mean, why would you graduate them from H!P too? They’re cash cows! You just don’t waste a cash cow like that! You squeeze it until they’re out of talent and finally go and sleep with older mans and smoke like they don’t give a fuck! That’s the way, aha aha, I like it!

Ok, now serious business. I do believe she’s going to have a succesful career outside H!P. UFA always seemed to be really biased over Takahashi, so sure, why not? I mean, she’s a crazy badass singer, so it’s not like she’ll disappear in the background. She has what it takes to be an Ayumi. An Amuro. She can be our next J-Pop Queen! Although I do feel a little worried. Now that Kamei is no more and Takahashi already saying bye-bye, Reina is going to get more shit to sing, and of course Risa is going to take Ai’s place. So, we have now 2 spots to fill. Who will fulfill the destiny of the semi-leading vocals?! Of course, it won’t be Sayumi. I love her, but I know she can’t sing, even if her life depended on it.

I’m sorry. But it’s the truth. You’re gorgeous BTW.

I have two suspects. One, it could be Riho. Two, it is or Fukumura, or Aika. I hate Aika and all she stand’s for. But I can’t deny her voice is kinda nice to hear (except when she’s singing nasally, I hate that shit). And I haven’t heard Fukumura, but she’s not Aika, so she’s not a crack whore to me, SO she’s good for now.

 

What do you think about this graduation? It took me for surprise (although I foreshadowed it in an earlier post… maybe I can see the future xD). I NEVER expected Takahashi’s graduation to be announced just after the past one. But it kinda makes sense at this point. Was UFA going to rest all of Morning Musume’s hopes in her, forever and ever? I don’t think so. Also, it is beginning to feel like the good ol’ Momusu. If next year they make another audition, I’m gonna love it.

PS: I’m very fuckin’ drunk and tired right now. Did you noticed?

-Evil Laugh-

… you fuckin’ wannabe…

31 Oct

What’s up, motherfuckers! God, a MONTH of me not being a total dick on MAH BLOG! Heck, I had a lot of shit going on. School, work, masturbating, school yet again, being such a good-willed dude, having a lot of girls fall into my lips (<- In my imagination. Such thing, of course, would never happen in real life), busybusybusybusy. But I want to keep blogging, heck yeah. This is the only place where I can express my feelings without people looking at me like I’m some sort of crack-whore! Well, let the shOW BEGIN… or keep going, whatever!

Go to YouTube.  Why don’t you look for a Kago or a Takahashi video. Or if we can go to extremes, look up for Michishige. Heck, anything with any C-ute or Berryz member can work too (or some S/mileage, or Koharu, or Mini Moni … although that may be way too freakin’ crazy for you)! Have you done what I asked? Yes? Then go to the comment section. Ok, now look at the comments. Can you see it? Hm?

Huh? Can you see it? No? What?! Look closer!

NOT YET?! WHO ARE YOU, STEVIE WONDER?! LOOK FUCKING CLOSER!!

… fuck you, you japanese wannabe!

 

I hate this type of people. It’s like my hate to Mikan or LOL. Seriously, it pisses me off. I mean, come on, SURE you freakin’ love Japan (they have the cutest girls ever, they have Ayumi Hamasaki, they have Pokemon [I ♥ the games], and if those things weren’t enough, they have Takahashi’s legs; I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU LOVE THEM!) but reaching the extreme of TRYING (I emphasise) to talk like them? That’s some serious brain damage right there.

But hey, why can’t I just do what I want, even if it means to talk like a retarded 5-years old japanese kid without a tongue? Well, you look like an idiot. You give foreigners a bad name. You embarrass yourself (and everyone around you). It just does not look right. You don’t even know what the fuck are you saying. And you think you look cute.

Just a little something: People don’t give a fine fuck about your knowledge of japanese. And people aren’t dumb enough to buy your (bad) acting: They KNOW you don’t know anything about japanese. They do know you are a little 31-years old kid who still lives in his momma’s basement. Get out of that chair and look for a job, you prick!

Actually, I don’t know if I’m making a lot of sense up there (if any). What I really mean is…

STOP PRETENDING YOU ARE JAPANESE! YOU ARE BLONDE! YOU HAVE GREEN EYES! YOU MOTHER TONGUE IS FREAKIN’ FRENCH! YOU CAN’T LOOK CUTE FOR SHIT, EVEN IF YOU PUT SOME CAT EARS AND SAY “NYA~” AND WHATNOT, ALL FUCKING DAY! YOU’RE NOT “KAWAII” NOR I AM “WARU~”!YOU ARE NOT JAPANESE! YOU WILL NEVER GO TO JAPAN! STOP THINKING ONE DAY YOU ARE GOING TO MEET TAKAHASHI AND SHE’S GONNA FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, THEN YOU BOTH ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED AND THEN YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE 11 KIDS, BECAUSE THAT’S NOT FUCKING LIKELY TO HAPPEN! (Or is that last part just me? Meh…)

Just… stop. Stop before you get to my nerves. Stop before I see myself playing pool with your testicles as the balls (See what I did there? It’s pretty obvious! IMAH GENIUHS!). Please, stop, you little…

You just heard him. Fuckin’ stop doing that. I’m serious. If you don’t then I’m going to rape your family, beginning with the dog. I warn you *shrugs*.

PD: I distorted the user’s name, because I just don’t want to be rude. Which I was. If you see this, little Youtuber japanese wanna-be, I’m sorry.

My first Picspam EVAAAAA!!!

19 Aug

So here goes. And the generic one-liners below the images are going to be there too.

Of course Maki has to start this. BTW, this is when I proposed to her, and she said she would love to be my wife. And I’m a terrible liar.

Maki sees me and smiles. And I see her and I go batshit insane because she didn’t have those boobs 3 years ago.

Tomomi counters Maki’s sexiness and hotness with cuteness and beautifulness. It’s an even match, and my mind is right now at some Nirvana-ish kind of state. God I love these two so much I could make a threesome with them (but I don’t want to).

LinLin and Gaki are pissed at Tomomi. They despise everything ever associated with AKB48. So they shoot their Mayuge Beam all over the girl!

But Tomomi calls for backup. When they less see, a shitload of girls are all around them, with Tomomi in the center (it couldn’t be the other way). They quickly overwhelm Gaki and LinLin.

If I were a girl, I’d totally go lesbian for Nacchi.

Aibon smokes…

… makes weird-ass photo books…

… and gives a fuck about what you (and many others) think. She’s overly cute, BTW.

This image is so epic it has to be BIG. And because if I resize it, Yaguchi would be nowhere to be found. She really rocks that outfit, even if it is ridiculous.

Momoko. Girl. When will you grow up? I mean, I don’t want you to look like a 12-year-old for the rest of your life. It could make all the normal persons uncomfortable when thinking about you. Still, wotas won’t mind.

Bunny, you can’t dance for shit. WTF is that pose all about anyways?

Oh well. I guess my daily Usa-chan PEACE! makes up for it. Michishige, I love you.

Ayaya, you have always rock my world. You are like the John Lennon of H!P.

And then here is Ayumi, looking pretty. She’s beautiful. She’s in my Top10 favorite J-music singers. And she’s not part of H!P nor and idol. So let’s stick to the topic, shall we?

I think I just had an eyegasm.

Then we have some Tomomi’s pictures just because it’s my blog and I put everything I want in here, even if it’s shit.

If I were a policeman, I’d surely arrest Tomomi for being to cute.

That up there was a terrible joke.

That’s cute. I love girls who play dumb and spoiled, all cutesy and whatnot. Hate the rough type.

Maybe not.

Enough with the horse-face jokes! This girls shares her birthday with me and I won’t allow offense against this girl!

This is Tsunku♂. He does NOT take shit from anybody. Specially whoever AKB48’s producer is.

A totally unrelated image.

Shitty costumes, awful video, amazing song. I don’t know why is everybody bitching about it.

So this is it, folks! Finished the stupid picspam. Now I have to get some sleep, because right now I’m so high because of sleep deprivation I can’t even feel my eyes (nor the most part of my lower body). So if you excuse me and my humble existence, I’m going to sleep until the sun rises with a new day (pretty talk to say I’m going to be sleep at least ’til 1 pm). See ya later.

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