Tag Archives: Kago Ai

HUGE NEWS! (And my reaction!) || My opinions about the oncoming Kouhaku

22 Dec

Hey, Ladies & Gentlemen. I have a bunch of news to share with you, starting with the most “DAFUQ” entry and finishing with something more like “Oh…”. So yeah.

LOVE BASKET IS MARRIED AND PREGNANT!

Today I was all like: “Hey, I’m going to check out Generasia, it’s been a while.”

And hilarity ensued.

I was checkin’ all the news (“ISSA getting married, what the hell?” and multiple news about how AKB48 is outselling every idol group ever) until I saw Kago’s face. You can guess my very first reaction, no?

“Here we go again…”

You get why, don’t you? I mean, disaster after disaster is only logical to facepalm oneself when seeing Kago’s face all over the news. But this was an exception. Suddenly I realized there was not one, but two words that proved that everything that I used to think as true was nothing but bullshit. Which words, you say?

PREGNANCY

MARRIAGE

I looked for some seconds the heading of the post. It was like my mind couldn’t handle what was in front of me. But it was true. In that moment I didn’t waste time at all: I jumped out of my seat and began laughing nervously, like if I was seeing something that was bizarre, wrong in every way. “I don’t believe it. I can’t.”, I muttered, completely astonished about what was I seeing. The reality hit me: Kago Ai, the lovely and fucked up Aibon, was getting married and pregnant with a “Mini Kago-chan”, as she herself put it.

I did exactly that. I got excited for less than a second and then I put my Serious Face on. I had to be sure. Nobody gets between me and the truth.

I went to Hello!Online and the same. Everyone on Kago’s thread is talking about her. I went to International Wota, and the same. Then I got up, and looked at the computer. I point with both hands to it and smiled… “You’re pretty good.”

This is huge. And what’s even more fascinating is the seemingly affection the rest of the Momusu gang gives to her. Tsuji, Ogawa, Mikitty and even Yaguchi (!!!) congratulated her. It’s good to know that although still being a persona non-grata in UFA’s eyes, the rest of the girls still care for her, even a little. I am glad… for some reason, I believe this thing is going to work out pretty well. Even if I bashed her because of the little incident 3 months ago, I am led to believe this is going to make her mature. Not the marriage thingy (nobody knows for sure who she is marrying, but some believe it is to the “Yakuza Guy” the news spoke about. Is the baby I am talking about… GOD! I just can’t get it in my head! Little Aibon is going to be Kago-mama! Congrats!

(Go here to see Generasia’s post about it)

And now…

GOTO MAKI TAKES HIATUS. FANS START BITCHIN’.

Now that’s sad. Apparently the events surrounding her mother (R.I.P) are the main reason for taking this hiatus. I’m sure the impact was huge to her; losing a family member isn’t easy, at all. The hiatus is going to start next month… and as for the reasons… she seems to want a normal life, a life where not only she does not need to live in a world where a single mistake can ruin you ENTIRELY. But a world that’s full of hypocrisy, of cruelty and lies. While I don’t particularly like the idea (she’s my very first Momusu, after all), if she wants to do this, I give her my full support. She didn’t give any particular detail about the hiatus, so we don’t know if it is temporal, permanent or if she hasn’t decided which it is yet. I guess we only have to wait. In the meantime… SEE YOU SOON, GOTO MAKI!

Until next time :D

Next stop…

AKB48 GETS AN ANIME. AND TOMO-CHIN IS NOT IN IT. THE BASTARDS.

Yes! Japan’s current top Idol group, AKB48 (yeah, eat that shit, H!P followers!), is getting an anime adaptation that will begin airing in April-ish. And what’s the plot? In a long time there’s going to exist an underground “guerilla” Idol group called AKB0048, in a universe where entertainment is forbidden and apparently the Universal Police act like Pixies and try to fuck up everyone who haves fun. Oh yeah, and the Earth is destroyed. Or inhabitable. Or something. AKB0048 then entertains the space and defies the Universal Police by… singing. And Tomomi is dead (I presume).

Yeah, it’s that absurd. No, I didn’t make that up. Of course, I’m going to watch that shit.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

And finally…

KOUHAKU!

It seems this year’s edition is going to rock! Such amazing performers as Koda Kumi, Porno Grafitti, SMAP, Go Hiromi, AYAKA, Matsuda Seiko (♥), Hamasaki Ayumi (well, of course), Shiina Ringo, Perfume (YEAH!), and Tomomi & Friends are going to be present for the festival. I hope to be at Japan when it is celebrated, so I can have a massive FANGASM. Oh yeah!

And once again, Morning Musume’s absence in the festival is the most noticeable. I can only hope for them to appear in the next one.

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Something is wrong with her.

14 Sep

I don’t know If you already heard this, but this past Sunday former Morning Musume Kago Ai tried to commit suicide.

Again.

I don’t understand. In the past months, it seems like Kago is trying to do everything possible to fuck her career up. She ceased her activity with her agency and she hooked up with an older man (yet again); she is showing something to us. And that something is: She hasn’t learned ANYTHING.

I’m a big fan of her. I loved her since she joined MoMusu, and I love her now. But I just can’t approve her actions; I don’t give a fuck if she wants to keep her contract with her agency, don’t get me wrong. I’m upset that she isn’t even thinking about her own health when she does stupid shit like this. Sure, this is a serious matter, and I’m REALLY glad she’s ok (if the news are to be believed), but I can’t help but think that she’s just stupid. She is not stupid because she wants to be, but she does nothing to stop being stupid. Life is our biggest treasure, and no matter what happens, no matter if her boyfriend got busted (I mean, he is not really worth it, seeing he is connected to the yakuza and stuff), nothing acts as an excuse for what she just did. To drug yourself and then attempt a suicide is just… wrong.

NO EXCUSES KAGO. Learn to give us results of what you learned those two years you were away from us. Learn to be a better person. If you really care about yourself. Don’t do it for us. Do it for your OWN SAFETY.

Smile again, our Love Basket. You don’t look pretty with scars on your wrists.

Live free. Don’t push yourself too hard.

Our name is Koubou. Berryz Koubou. *Kicks “°C-ute” in the fuckin’ face*

23 Dec

7 girls. One who is a fat ass. One who is a horse. One who does not age. One who likes puns. One who is freakishly tall. One who is the prettiest and is the captain. And one who is just… there.

Berryz Koubou is the spiritual successor of Morning Musume in what quality of songs and PV’s (and pretty much everything Momusu excelled in 2000-2005) refers (Tsunku, suck my dick). You could say that every single Momusu fan who didn’t change to AKB48 or Perfume after the “Great Downfall” in 2006-2007 is a Berryz fan (because nobody likes °C-ute. At least nobody with common sense.). And what’s so wrong about that?! Berryz has the sound, the looks, the moves, the Miyabi… I understand why the change. I dig it, kinda.

Shimizu Saki: I’m going to begin with the lead… uhm, CAPTAIN. Funny thing: I had to look up her name because I’m so used to call her Captain that I totally forgot it. Whoopsie.

Peace!

Ok, now I don’t really pay much attention to this girl. Why? Because I’m too busy paying attention to Miyabi to even bother.BUT! I’ve always considered her to be the prettiest in Berryz. Seriously. Just look at her. She’s not really gorgeous,nor has a tremendous body. She’s a simplistic beauty. And that’s her charm, you know? She’s like that girl from your block, who you don’t actually see because the other girls (namely, Risako) are way more popular and sexier (yeah, right). But when you actually see her, it’s like: “Oh, JESUS! Who’s that girl? She’s totally freakin’ hot!”. The thing is, she has lived in the house next to yours all along.

 

Tsugunaga Momoko: The ageless chick. She’s like the Abe in Berryz. I just can’t believe this girl is already 18! She in legal age DAMMIT!

Momoko is all about the hair. Also, she looks… well, really pretty in this photo.

Oh, sweet Momoko. Will you even hit puberty before you’re 20? Oh, and her voice is amazing… if she’s singing of course. Because if she is speaking… her voice will crawl into your skull like a thousand babies crying. Seriously, what’s with the high pitch? She sounds like a dying mule. Anyways, she gives me this image of an annoying little sister. You have to look after her at all times, and you have to chase away the perverted boys who are after her. Also, she seems to have huge boobs. Just for your information.

Tokunaga Chinami: Well, I see a lot of myself in this girl. She’s the funny (I use that word loosely) one in the group, which could be my case if I weren’t such a bad comedian.

Chinako Is Love.

Put glasses in her face. How about a schoolgirl uniform? But with the skirt under her knees. Now, throw in a pair of pigtail. And a cute ribbon in both of them. SHAZAM! We’ve got ourselves a nerd!

Because she is just perfect for that role. She wants to be funny, but her attempts at doing so are pathetic at best. Everyone makes fun of her, but in reality she’s a REALLY sexy and pretty girl. Your mileage may vary with the “sexy” part, though. But no one can deny she’s pretty. She may be one of H!P’s prettiest members as of this year. Just look at her again, and tell me: Wouldn’t you like to bite those soft cheeks?!

Sudou Maasa: BLEH.

Why someone would be her fan, is a complete mystery to me. She’s not a particularly good singer. She’s not really that pretty. She doesn’t have any kind of singular personality. She’s kinda cute, but the average cute for H!P. Her only remarkable trait is her eyes, which I find utterly beautiful. But that’s not enough. Not for Berryz. Not for ME.

She’s the friend you’ll never see sentimentally nor sexually attractive. Kinda like a sister.

Natsuyaki Miyabi: Oh, we are getting to really wotaish places here.

I’d ride that, for sure.

Why do I love her? She has a wonderful smile, you see. She shares her birthday with me, you see. She looks kinda like an ex-girlfriend, you see. And she’s the most odd-looking of the bunch, you see.

I have a thing for weird shit. I’m not saying Miya is weird shit, but she’s not like anyone in H!P. I ‘ve just felt this thing twice in the past, and it was for Kago Ai, and Ishikawa Rika. Kago was really a cutie back then, but she was a total natural. I fell in love with her all over again, each day. For Rika, it was more like a Love-Hate situation, aye? I mean, I though she was really hilarious, but at the same time I despised her way of talking, and that she took herself really seriously. For Miya, it is no different. She is shy, but she’s always smiling. She is really kind-looking for me.and she’s not the prettiest girl in all of H!P, but she has something that attracts me. Or like a Jedi would say: “She’s an echo in th Force.”. And unlike many other idols, she seems to have fun with what she is doing. She’s like your best friend ever, who, one fateful day, looked gorgeous to you. And like Kago Ai (and some other person who may or may not be Ella Fitzgerald or whatever) say (modified, of course): “Although she may not be the girl some men think of as pretty, to my heart she carries the key!”.

Kumai Yurina: HOLY MOTHER OF FUCKIN’ JESUS GODZILLA IS SINGING WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE.

YURZILLA IS FUCKIN’ HUNGRY!

SWEET JESUS I REGRET EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE PLEASE STOP THIS SHITTY TORTURE MAKE HER STOP SHE IS SINGING AND I FEAR FOR US ALL OH GOD WHY DOES SHE EXISTS MOTHER OF THE GREAT CHERRY PIE SHE LOOKS REALLY PISSED I THINK SHE IS GOING TO SING AGAIN PLEASE PUT AN END TO THIS HOSTILITY OH SHIT SHE LOOKED AT ME I’M GOING TO FUCKIN’ DIE SHE IS GOING TO MAKE ME BRUSH HER HAIR I’M GOING TO BE HER BRUSHING BITCH NO PLEASE DON’T TOUCH ME OH ZOMBIE JESUS PLEASE SAVE MY SORRY ASS FROM DESTRUCTION.

She’s the tall one. She is smokin’ hot. She is beautiful. She can sing. You’d do her IF SHE WASN’T YOUR OLDER SISTER, YOU GODDAMMED SICK (WO)MAN!

Sugaya Risako: Dark times come ahead, my very young padawan.

You are what you eat. And she is eating a bigass hippopotamus. I emphasize “ASS”.

Maybe I’m getting out of hand with the insults. Truth is, I don’t hate her. Well, not really. She’s pretty, yes, and I’d do that ass, yes. Thing is, I’ve always hated that girl in school who is really popular and feels really self-important. But actually, I loved her when Berryz was still new (and when she wasn’t a fatass). She looks to me like a good girl getting out of line, that’s all. And quite frankly, I’m somewhat in love with her. I show it by insulting her and her body. Weird? Maybe. Funny? For me, it totally is.

 

Well, I guess this is over. Well, I may very well be going, becau…

HOLYMOTHER! I FORGOT!

Remember the time when there were not 7, but 8 Berryz?

 

Ishimura Maiha: The rabbit.

Was it worth the time, Tsunku♂?

I don’t really know anything about her. She’s a complete stranger to me. And let it stay that way for the time being. I want to make fun of her mouse face until I drop dead. She left Berryz to “focus on her studies”. Well, we all know what that means? Either she was getting really drunk, or getting really mischievous, or getting really kissy with a neighbour. Or maybe she was telling the truth, who knows? She was one of the first to come up with that excuse.

 

WEEEEEEEELL THAT AIN’T MAH BOY BUT THE BROTHER IS HEAVY!

 

How did you like this half-assed review? Was it good? Was it bad? Frankly I don’t give a shit.

Fandom VS The Explosive Wota. Or “Why do I call myself a wota if I hate their guts?!”

28 Sep

You all know the story  a bit too well. You saw it with Kago. You saw it with Goto. You saw it with Fukuda (yes, believe it or not, Fukuda HAD fans). You saw it with all the entire Elder Club, goddamnit. And you could always hear this horrific war cry, this scream that would make Jesus crap his pants and hide behind Papa’s chair. What’s the rare, strange, primitive and stupid being that just made that horrible sound? Oh yeah.

Does it begin with “Kanye” or ends with “West”?

The Fans, of course. Or as they call themselves, Wotas (that’s nothing to be proud of, but they feel wished by the opposite sex when they say they are this).

Fans are just like an annoying girlfriend. She’s all “I love you” when you give her what she wants, but she can become a self-centered paranoid bitch when you do something wrong, like smoking, dating old men, dating comedians, dating douchebags, or “dropping out to finish you school education” (wich we are going to call “An Asspull” from now on). The might even kick you in the groin! (And will if provoked).

One thing is sure. They DO love you, so that’s a start. But for each good trait they have, a shitload of defects follows them. They are psychopaths, pedophiles (seriously, I don’t know how can they see “legal” some 40+ old mans hanging out in a great stadium (or dome, whatever) to see S/mileage), crazy sociopaths (<- spelling, anyone?), or just plain stupid people with a really big paranoia.

Pictured above: Non-Legal shit. So move along, you overweighted dipshit.

“OH MAH GAWD, Gomaki saw Nakai-kun for more than 3 second, they are totally dating!” or “Fuck Miki’s husband, I just wish the little bitch burns in hell!” or “Itano Tomomi’s ass is way better than any other AKB48 girl, because I say so!”, and some more crap like that. If you actually do love H!P, you are (most probably) one of said persons. If you aren’t, then you have definitely get in a conversation like this:

You: Oh, hi! – Wota: Hi lol. – You: Do you know the good news? Iida is going to get married! – Wota: OMGLOLBBQ, is that for real?! – You: Yeah. – Wota: Who’s the whore?! – You: What? – Wota: WHO’S THE DICK THAT FEELS HE CAN MARRY MY KAORIN?!?! – You: Relax man, he seems like a good guy. – Wota: Good guy my ass! He is motherfucking worm, and should die, like you if you support him! – You: Whatever dude, I’m outta here. – Wota: FUCK YOU! I LIVE IN JAPAN AND KNOW AIBON BECAUSE I TALK TO HER TROUGH HER MYSPACE, AND I DON’T EVEN CARE IF THAT MYSPACE LOOKS MORE FAKE THAN MICHAEL’S NOSE! MY COUSIN IS IN AKB48 AND SHE IS GOING TO INTRODUCE ME TO THE PERFUME GIRLS! I HAVE EVERY H!P SINGLE/ALBUMS AND HAVE ATTENDED EVERY CONCERT! BLARGHABABLABAJJB!!

Seriously, what the hell?

Ooooh, but don’t try to make them see their wrong doings or attack their poor choice of words, because they will begin a rant that won’t finish until you get really pissed off at them (by the time this happens, they might disappear and you would never be able to hear from them again), or they die.

Most likely scenario.

So, conclusions:

  • They can’t write for shit.
  • They can’t be nice for shit.
  • They seem to know what things piss you off, always.
  • They are found everywhere.
  • Their only argument is that everyone else in the world except their idol and them are bitches.
  • Don’t fight them. You would think they are just trolling, but nope. People actually think like that.
  • They are capable of everything, just to prove you wrong.
  • Their obsession knows of no limits.
  • They will try to insult you, even if said insult has no sense or proof whatsoever.
  • They are immature.
  • Their moms are men.

My first Picspam EVAAAAA!!!

19 Aug

So here goes. And the generic one-liners below the images are going to be there too.

Of course Maki has to start this. BTW, this is when I proposed to her, and she said she would love to be my wife. And I’m a terrible liar.

Maki sees me and smiles. And I see her and I go batshit insane because she didn’t have those boobs 3 years ago.

Tomomi counters Maki’s sexiness and hotness with cuteness and beautifulness. It’s an even match, and my mind is right now at some Nirvana-ish kind of state. God I love these two so much I could make a threesome with them (but I don’t want to).

LinLin and Gaki are pissed at Tomomi. They despise everything ever associated with AKB48. So they shoot their Mayuge Beam all over the girl!

But Tomomi calls for backup. When they less see, a shitload of girls are all around them, with Tomomi in the center (it couldn’t be the other way). They quickly overwhelm Gaki and LinLin.

If I were a girl, I’d totally go lesbian for Nacchi.

Aibon smokes…

… makes weird-ass photo books…

… and gives a fuck about what you (and many others) think. She’s overly cute, BTW.

This image is so epic it has to be BIG. And because if I resize it, Yaguchi would be nowhere to be found. She really rocks that outfit, even if it is ridiculous.

Momoko. Girl. When will you grow up? I mean, I don’t want you to look like a 12-year-old for the rest of your life. It could make all the normal persons uncomfortable when thinking about you. Still, wotas won’t mind.

Bunny, you can’t dance for shit. WTF is that pose all about anyways?

Oh well. I guess my daily Usa-chan PEACE! makes up for it. Michishige, I love you.

Ayaya, you have always rock my world. You are like the John Lennon of H!P.

And then here is Ayumi, looking pretty. She’s beautiful. She’s in my Top10 favorite J-music singers. And she’s not part of H!P nor and idol. So let’s stick to the topic, shall we?

I think I just had an eyegasm.

Then we have some Tomomi’s pictures just because it’s my blog and I put everything I want in here, even if it’s shit.

If I were a policeman, I’d surely arrest Tomomi for being to cute.

That up there was a terrible joke.

That’s cute. I love girls who play dumb and spoiled, all cutesy and whatnot. Hate the rough type.

Maybe not.

Enough with the horse-face jokes! This girls shares her birthday with me and I won’t allow offense against this girl!

This is Tsunku♂. He does NOT take shit from anybody. Specially whoever AKB48’s producer is.

A totally unrelated image.

Shitty costumes, awful video, amazing song. I don’t know why is everybody bitching about it.

So this is it, folks! Finished the stupid picspam. Now I have to get some sleep, because right now I’m so high because of sleep deprivation I can’t even feel my eyes (nor the most part of my lower body). So if you excuse me and my humble existence, I’m going to sleep until the sun rises with a new day (pretty talk to say I’m going to be sleep at least ’til 1 pm). See ya later.

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