I’m sorry…

[This post has being in construction since the release of “Only You”. So, that’s the single I’m referring to.What can I say? I’m a lazy ass.]

Guys… I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. But no review for Momusu’s new(ish) single. I just don’t give a single fuck about it. It bores me to freakin’ death, I’m telling you.

That’s why I’m going to give all of you a damn post about C-UTE! AM I GOOD OR WHAT THE TITS?

C-UTE! C-UTE! C-UTE!

Ok cut the crap. I don’t like C-ute. Oh you ask me why? Because Airi is in it and Erika is not, that’s fuckin’ why. Yeah, I HATE Airi’s guts, a lot. Ok, no I don’t. She’s only some random girl who usually ends up as being very irritating in every single thing she says and does. But ENOUGH. This is a C-ute post, not a “Why Airi is a whore and I wouldn’t pay 2 bucks for her” post. So, we begin!

Okai Chisato

(AKA The only reason I still care enough to hear C-ute’s singles)

AW. SHIT. THIS. IS. SO. CUTE.

She has the looks. She has the body. And for God’s sake, she has the motherloadin’ voice! Just listen to her pseudo-solo single! I mean, I can count the people who could pull “LOVE Namida Iro” off with my left hand fingers, and those are: Obviously Matsuura Aya, Kago Ai, Takahashi Ai, Okai Chisato and Chuck Norris. And can count even LESS people who can pull off “Furusato” AND make me cry at the same time, and those are Chisato again, Chuck again and definitely Yaguchi Mari (Yeah, you got that right Nacchi, YOU SUCK AT “FURUSATO”). And Chisato totally nailed it! I don’t know about you people, but personally I’m used to love deeper voices than the rather squeaky and high-pitched voice every single Idol out there seems to be programmed with. For example, she has about two solo lines in “Dance de BAKOON”. And she’s the only reason I like that song and that video. Well, that and the fact that Maimi looks absolutely gorgeous in it.

Definitely someone has to give this girl a solo career, PRONTO.

Bias bias bias, shut the fuck up.

Nakajima Saki

(AKA That brat from that UTABAN episode besides Yasuda)

Those eyes…

For some reason, I can’t like this girl. It’s not that she sucks bad. She’s actually pretty good  in what she does, but I don’t know, she doesn’t have that something that makes me care. Her singing is pretty decent, that’s for sure. I remember when I saw her for the first time I was all like: “OMG! SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE KAGO!”. But she actually doesn’t. It was just me? Anyways, a good girl. Of course, I actually like her (well, kinda) because she has the GODDAMN LOOKS! Look at her! She’s a natural, she doesn’t need a fuckton of makeup to look completely gorgeous.

Suzuki Airi

(AKA The one whose face annoys the shit out of me)

Your mouth pretty much scares me shitless.

Ok, I’ll have to be honest for a single second. Why do I hate this girl? Why I just can’t stand her? Why?

Because I had a girlfriend who looks just like her. Every time I see her, I see the face of that bitch telling me we are over. Goddamnit.

HA! I’m just fuckin’ with you guys. I actually hate her just because I can. And I have the obligation to hate someone in the group, ain’t I? Now, the thing is, I dislike everything about her (except maybe how she looks; it may be hard to admit, but she’s kinda hot): her singing voice, her normal voice, the personality (oh god, the personality), and the way she looks extra retarded in her photos. I mean, look at her and tell me you don’t want to punch her senseless in the face? And SHE GETS THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ SOLOS, AND CHISATO GETS SHIT! I’M GOING TO MURDER YOU, YOU SCUM!

*Ahem-Ahem* Keep calm. You can handle this. She’s just here to fuck with you. She actually isn’t that good and her career will die faster than a bottle of tequila is finished by some college fucker in Spring Break.

(Side note: Guys. Seriously. We have enough scum in Mexico’s beaches. We don’t need your stupid-ass here while you get shit faced with just a tiny little bit of tequila. If you can’t handle it, DON’T FUCKIN’ DRINK IT, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.)

*INTERLUDE*

“What’s happening, darling?”

“GODDAMN AIRI! THAT’S HAPPENING!”

“Oh, you poor baby. REMEMBER WHAT THE DOC SAID! Don’t listen/speak/think about Airi too much. Something bad might happen to you.”

“I know…”

“Do you want me to hug you now?”

“Yes. Yes I totally do, thank you very much.”

*END OF INTERLUDE*

Yajima Maimi

(AKA Leader. And that’s the only interesting thing about her)

So. Yeah.

In a world where Airi does not exist, then I would hate Maimi instead. Why? Because her personality is non-existent. She so average, WAY TOO AVERAGE (even more average than Saki), that I just can’t like her. I mean, she might be pretty, but she’s not the prettiest. She’s not even in the “Explosive Isamu’s Top 3 Cutest… Err… C-ute?”, which of course consists in Chisato in first place, because I’m biased as fuck; Erika, because she’s arguably the cutest of the rest, and Chisato in third place, because why not? She can take 2 places, I don’t give a shit.

And she’s not a remarkable singer. Like, at all. She just… sings. She has no style to my taste, no power. Nothing that encourages me to keep paying attention to her. As if I did in the first place. I’m talking about my taste in music, though. I have been told I like shit music so don’t rely on me. Seriously.

Hagiwara Mai

(AKA The girl who simply just refuses to fuckin’ grow old, dammit)

Hagiwara Mai. Circa 2011. Promoting… something. I guess…?

This chick now I actually like. I dunno, her voice has really captured my heart. She has this spirit that I find somewhat familiar: That’s because, I see a lot of Mai in my sister. Both seem to age real slowly, both have this awkward smile and both are the same height (I think). And not only that, but personality-wise, I think she’s the most interesting C-ute out there. Yes, even more interesting than Chisato. And that’s saying A LOT.

Hagiwara Mai. Circa 2006. C-ute debuted. Everyone celebrates. Except Megumi. She’s going to leave soon. HA HA.

All in all, I enjoy hearing her. Actually, when a song comes out, I am actively searching for her and Chisato’s solos. Because they can sing. They’re not particularly amazing, but I am amused by them. I don’t know… could it be because of her reminding me of my sister? Fun Fact: My sister is a strange person. When I told her “HEY! YOU AND MAI ARE SO ALIKE IN EVERYWAY!”, she smacked me. Hard. Little I know that in fact, she hated Mai for exactly the same reasons I hate Airi. That, and because she’s stupid. That’s weird.

Hagiwara Mai. Circa 1920 (or so). She first discovers an ancient land that gives immortality and the capability of flight to its residents.

And, just as we did with Berryz, I present you… THE OTHER THREE!

With a minor and almost unnoticeable change. You see… I’m not as fond of these girls as I am to say, ANYONE ELSE, so I’m going to resume juuuust a little bit my rant. Here we go!

Murakami Megumi

(AKA The ugly kid who turns up to be pretty hot actually)

Or so it seems…

…

NEXT!

Arihana Kanna

(AKA Lame-ass chick)

Mmm… you’re not lame anymore.

WOW! She’s HOT! GODDAMN!

Otherwise, not interested.

Umeda Erika

(AKA C-ute’s Sexy Queen)

Oh, LOOK! It’s Reinaaaaaahh naw, she’s totally not.

Why do I just don’t care about the other two, you say? Well, firstly, I hardly even KNEW Megumi existed when I got into C-ute and shit. Secondly, Kanna still was in the group when I became a “fan”, but she never, EVER got my attention. Mostly my attention was for one little person (guess who), and of course, for Erika. She is GORGEOUS. And AMAZING. She’s AMAZORGEOUS. Or something.

I never actually got to hear her sing, but for what I can tell, she’s at least decent. Too bad she went to pursue a career in modeling (the bastards…), because I reckon she could have had an enormous fan base right about now. Meh, that’s the past, I guess.

And that’s it for today folks! Hope you enjoyed this! Explosive Isamu, OUT!

FUCK YEAH!

I just have to share this with you guys, but I think some of you might have watched it already. I haven’t seen such an amazing feat in a long time. It’s about this little dude (who we shall call “Skeleguy” bullying this other fat kid (also known as “Patty-Boy”). I mean, just watch it and you know why I am so excited about it.

Warning: Image’s quality is shitty at best.

“‘Sup girls, I’m here just, you know, being a fuckin’ douche. Just the usual.”

At this moment I was like “Meh, another boy getting bullied”. I wasn’t bullied back in the day, just the ocassional “Four-eyes” and “Nalganator” (Wich loosely translates to “Assnator”. I had a huge ass back then and I was skinny, so I looked kinda funny… I guess.) stuff. I mostly gave a crap about it, but I always got into trouble for standing up for my best friend (little guy, skinny, fuckload of acne) and his brother (pretty much the same, not so acne-ridden and more kind of a ladies’ man tough). I wasn’t big myself, so they kicked the shit out of me every single time.

HEADSHOT!

At this moment Patty-Boy gets punched. Hard. I can’t express how much rage I get inside. “COME ON BITCH, SHOW HIM WHAT YOU’VE GOT!” I screamed. Patty-Boy was 2 times the man Skeleguy was. Still, he did nothing. Two girls watched the show, actually amused of what was going on. Bitches.

“Oh no, he didn’t!”

At this moment Skeleguy was feeling big, like he was the real shit. Patty-Boy got mad, really mad. I mean, look at his big fat fist. The way he closes it tells you his Rage Meter just went up to eleven. He was angry. I bet even more angry at the dancing Skeleguy just in front of him. Then, Skeleguy punched (softly I might add) his tummy, thinking Patty-Boy was defeated. Destroyed in shame and agony. He saw his opponent defeated. He tought he had already won.

Then shit got very fuckin’ real.

OH SHIT.

Showing the speed and agility you would expect of a really fuckin’ fast and really fuckin’ agile fat kid, Patty-Boy snapped and grabbed his opponent and forced him into submission. But Skeleguy, denying Patty-Boy of his sweet victory tried to resist. He did pretty well at first. He was skinny, Patty-Boy doubled him in size. Such an amazing feat, to have the weight of two yous and still don’t give up. But then…

ME IS ANGRY!

Patty-Boy, praying to the Nordic gods to lend him strength, lifts Skeleguy up to his shoulder, and even more. He literally Hulked the fuck up, unlocked the hidden potential of his blood, the blood of a long-lost royal family. I have to say, I didn’t expect this. Sure, just throwing him or making him fall on his ass would have worked for me. Patty-Boy gained my respect when he stood up and grabbed that little shit. By now, I have seen how a fat kid grows some balls. And right now, I have just seen how the  boy becomes a man. The apprentice becomes the master. The mortal becomes the god. The Patty-Boy becomes…

BURGER-DUDE SMASH!

The new man, Burger-Dude literally crashed his arch-nemesis onto the ground, getting him out of combat. The amount of damage Skeleguy took was enormous, but the amount of damage his ego took was even bigger. Burger-Dude fucked him up really good. Destroyed. His self-esteem shattered below the victorious feet of the man formerly know as Patty-Boy. At this moment this other dude comes up (dubbed “Minister Of Crapping-Myself City”). Minister Of Crapping-Myself City gets between the two combatants, presumably swearing at Burger-Dude and all he stands for, but without making a single move on him. His fear was so great that he just couldn’t bring himself to make Burger-Dude angry. Burger-Dude smiled. He could have killed the Minister Of Crapping-Myself City, of course. But he didn’t. His real enemy lies on the ground, defeated. He didn’t need to spill more blood. And as big legends do, he turned around, left whatever honor Skeleguy had left intact, an leaved the place with his mighty fist up in the air while the sound of his epicness came out of nowhere. Nobody could match him. Nobody could keep up with him. Rumours says that he became Captain Burger-Dude, Defender Of The Bullied sometime after. Others say that he disappeared mysteriously, leaving to unknown places where the bullied are bullied by a bully who bullies. Nobody knows for sure.

DA! DA DA DA! DA DA DA! DADDADDA! THEEEE EYEE OF THE TIGEEEEEEEEER! ♪

I’m not a pro-violence person. But Burger-Dude gotta do what Burger-Dude gotta do.

“Let him go Minister. He won.” “Phew, glad you stopped me. Mind if go to the bathroom?” “Do you feel ill?” “If by “feel ill” you mean “totally shit my pants”, then yes I do.”

Le video:

EDIT: The vid was deleted, sorry. Anyway, google “fat kid fights back” and you’ll be able to see it, I hope.

“Heroine ni Narou ka!” is SEXY as hell. Even Momoko.

WOW. I mean, WOW! I just can’t handle so much epicness. One thing is to be good at producing songs, and other entirely is to make a song so bitchin’ I want to have sex with it. Not with Momoko, not with Miyavi, hell, not even a trio with Yurina and Risako (Funny shit: While she’s not my favorite member and I make fun of her a lot, I rank her 2nd in my “Which Berryz Do I Want To Make A Baby With” scale)! WITH THE SONG. SEX WITH A SONG!

Le Video:

Tell me you hate this song. Just do it and I will rape you so hard you will not be able to shit properly for a year.

Pictured: You while taking a crap until March 10, 2012.

Song’s amazing, hands down (the intro could hand Perfume their ass whenever they like). But what really blew my shit off was the PV. Awesome costumes, Yurzilla in the middle (damn, that girl is tall!), sexy fat-ass doing her thing, even Momoko rocking the shit out of that little Lolita dress. And Maasa, whose existence I totally don’t give a single little crap for looks absolutely gorgeous. And the background, god, the BACKFUCKINGROUND! It looks so flashy, so brilliant. It heavily resembles (to me, at least) Daft Punk’s pyramid of fucking epic. Just watch the PV and you’ll know what I’m talking about. I’m just wondering right now, why the shit Berryz gets all the good stuff while MoMusu is getting “Mikan”? I mean, flagship group, anyone? UFA, what the hell’s wrong?

SEXY BEAAAAA-wait, this IS the wrong song, isn’t it?

Anyway, I want an explanation to the Lady Gaga’s parts. No, seriously, that’s totally random. It’s nonsense. Totally love it, but nonsense nonetheless. Maybe I would have hated it if their make-up didn’t rock mah shit. It’s subtle and you don’t really pay attention to it, but it looks really good and blends with the ridiculous wig just perfectly. Awesome production.

Awesome production indeed…

Yurzilla looking prettier every passing day.

Maasa just… existing. Chinami looks like she just cannot wait to get the fuck out of that place. Momoko is not totally getting what she’s doing there. Yurzilla is beautiful. Miyavi just looking cute. Risako, looking rather chubby but gorgeous. Captain just thinks everything about that photoshoot is hilarious.

“Last night’s party was soooo not worth it…”

I ♥ U AoiUsa!

I have a little present for you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WAIT.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My first Picspam EVAAAAA!!!

So here goes. And the generic one-liners below the images are going to be there too.

Of course Maki has to start this. BTW, this is when I proposed to her, and she said she would love to be my wife. And I’m a terrible liar.

Maki sees me and smiles. And I see her and I go batshit insane because she didn’t have those boobs 3 years ago.

Tomomi counters Maki’s sexiness and hotness with cuteness and beautifulness. It’s an even match, and my mind is right now at some Nirvana-ish kind of state. God I love these two so much I could make a threesome with them (but I don’t want to).

LinLin and Gaki are pissed at Tomomi. They despise everything ever associated with AKB48. So they shoot their Mayuge Beam all over the girl!

But Tomomi calls for backup. When they less see, a shitload of girls are all around them, with Tomomi in the center (it couldn’t be the other way). They quickly overwhelm Gaki and LinLin.

If I were a girl, I’d totally go lesbian for Nacchi.

Aibon smokes…

… makes weird-ass photo books…

… and gives a fuck about what you (and many others) think. She’s overly cute, BTW.

This image is so epic it has to be BIG. And because if I resize it, Yaguchi would be nowhere to be found. She really rocks that outfit, even if it is ridiculous.

Momoko. Girl. When will you grow up? I mean, I don’t want you to look like a 12-year-old for the rest of your life. It could make all the normal persons uncomfortable when thinking about you. Still, wotas won’t mind.

Bunny, you can’t dance for shit. WTF is that pose all about anyways?

Oh well. I guess my daily Usa-chan PEACE! makes up for it. Michishige, I love you.

Ayaya, you have always rock my world. You are like the John Lennon of H!P.

And then here is Ayumi, looking pretty. She’s beautiful. She’s in my Top10 favorite J-music singers. And she’s not part of H!P nor and idol. So let’s stick to the topic, shall we?

I think I just had an eyegasm.

Then we have some Tomomi’s pictures just because it’s my blog and I put everything I want in here, even if it’s shit.

If I were a policeman, I’d surely arrest Tomomi for being to cute.

That up there was a terrible joke.

That’s cute. I love girls who play dumb and spoiled, all cutesy and whatnot. Hate the rough type.

Maybe not.

Enough with the horse-face jokes! This girls shares her birthday with me and I won’t allow offense against this girl!

This is Tsunku♂. He does NOT take shit from anybody. Specially whoever AKB48’s producer is.

A totally unrelated image.

Shitty costumes, awful video, amazing song. I don’t know why is everybody bitching about it.

So this is it, folks! Finished the stupid picspam. Now I have to get some sleep, because right now I’m so high because of sleep deprivation I can’t even feel my eyes (nor the most part of my lower body). So if you excuse me and my humble existence, I’m going to sleep until the sun rises with a new day (pretty talk to say I’m going to be sleep at least ’til 1 pm). See ya later.