I’m sorry…

[This post has being in construction since the release of “Only You”. So, that’s the single I’m referring to.What can I say? I’m a lazy ass.]

Guys… I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. But no review for Momusu’s new(ish) single. I just don’t give a single fuck about it. It bores me to freakin’ death, I’m telling you.

That’s why I’m going to give all of you a damn post about C-UTE! AM I GOOD OR WHAT THE TITS?

C-UTE! C-UTE! C-UTE!

Ok cut the crap. I don’t like C-ute. Oh you ask me why? Because Airi is in it and Erika is not, that’s fuckin’ why. Yeah, I HATE Airi’s guts, a lot. Ok, no I don’t. She’s only some random girl who usually ends up as being very irritating in every single thing she says and does. But ENOUGH. This is a C-ute post, not a “Why Airi is a whore and I wouldn’t pay 2 bucks for her” post. So, we begin!

Okai Chisato

(AKA The only reason I still care enough to hear C-ute’s singles)

AW. SHIT. THIS. IS. SO. CUTE.

She has the looks. She has the body. And for God’s sake, she has the motherloadin’ voice! Just listen to her pseudo-solo single! I mean, I can count the people who could pull “LOVE Namida Iro” off with my left hand fingers, and those are: Obviously Matsuura Aya, Kago Ai, Takahashi Ai, Okai Chisato and Chuck Norris. And can count even LESS people who can pull off “Furusato” AND make me cry at the same time, and those are Chisato again, Chuck again and definitely Yaguchi Mari (Yeah, you got that right Nacchi, YOU SUCK AT “FURUSATO”). And Chisato totally nailed it! I don’t know about you people, but personally I’m used to love deeper voices than the rather squeaky and high-pitched voice every single Idol out there seems to be programmed with. For example, she has about two solo lines in “Dance de BAKOON”. And she’s the only reason I like that song and that video. Well, that and the fact that Maimi looks absolutely gorgeous in it.

Definitely someone has to give this girl a solo career, PRONTO.

Bias bias bias, shut the fuck up.

Nakajima Saki

(AKA That brat from that UTABAN episode besides Yasuda)

Those eyes…

For some reason, I can’t like this girl. It’s not that she sucks bad. She’s actually pretty good  in what she does, but I don’t know, she doesn’t have that something that makes me care. Her singing is pretty decent, that’s for sure. I remember when I saw her for the first time I was all like: “OMG! SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE KAGO!”. But she actually doesn’t. It was just me? Anyways, a good girl. Of course, I actually like her (well, kinda) because she has the GODDAMN LOOKS! Look at her! She’s a natural, she doesn’t need a fuckton of makeup to look completely gorgeous.

Suzuki Airi

(AKA The one whose face annoys the shit out of me)

Your mouth pretty much scares me shitless.

Ok, I’ll have to be honest for a single second. Why do I hate this girl? Why I just can’t stand her? Why?

Because I had a girlfriend who looks just like her. Every time I see her, I see the face of that bitch telling me we are over. Goddamnit.

HA! I’m just fuckin’ with you guys. I actually hate her just because I can. And I have the obligation to hate someone in the group, ain’t I? Now, the thing is, I dislike everything about her (except maybe how she looks; it may be hard to admit, but she’s kinda hot): her singing voice, her normal voice, the personality (oh god, the personality), and the way she looks extra retarded in her photos. I mean, look at her and tell me you don’t want to punch her senseless in the face? And SHE GETS THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ SOLOS, AND CHISATO GETS SHIT! I’M GOING TO MURDER YOU, YOU SCUM!

*Ahem-Ahem* Keep calm. You can handle this. She’s just here to fuck with you. She actually isn’t that good and her career will die faster than a bottle of tequila is finished by some college fucker in Spring Break.

(Side note: Guys. Seriously. We have enough scum in Mexico’s beaches. We don’t need your stupid-ass here while you get shit faced with just a tiny little bit of tequila. If you can’t handle it, DON’T FUCKIN’ DRINK IT, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.)

*INTERLUDE*

“What’s happening, darling?”

“GODDAMN AIRI! THAT’S HAPPENING!”

“Oh, you poor baby. REMEMBER WHAT THE DOC SAID! Don’t listen/speak/think about Airi too much. Something bad might happen to you.”

“I know…”

“Do you want me to hug you now?”

“Yes. Yes I totally do, thank you very much.”

*END OF INTERLUDE*

Yajima Maimi

(AKA Leader. And that’s the only interesting thing about her)

So. Yeah.

In a world where Airi does not exist, then I would hate Maimi instead. Why? Because her personality is non-existent. She so average, WAY TOO AVERAGE (even more average than Saki), that I just can’t like her. I mean, she might be pretty, but she’s not the prettiest. She’s not even in the “Explosive Isamu’s Top 3 Cutest… Err… C-ute?”, which of course consists in Chisato in first place, because I’m biased as fuck; Erika, because she’s arguably the cutest of the rest, and Chisato in third place, because why not? She can take 2 places, I don’t give a shit.

And she’s not a remarkable singer. Like, at all. She just… sings. She has no style to my taste, no power. Nothing that encourages me to keep paying attention to her. As if I did in the first place. I’m talking about my taste in music, though. I have been told I like shit music so don’t rely on me. Seriously.

Hagiwara Mai

(AKA The girl who simply just refuses to fuckin’ grow old, dammit)

Hagiwara Mai. Circa 2011. Promoting… something. I guess…?

This chick now I actually like. I dunno, her voice has really captured my heart. She has this spirit that I find somewhat familiar: That’s because, I see a lot of Mai in my sister. Both seem to age real slowly, both have this awkward smile and both are the same height (I think). And not only that, but personality-wise, I think she’s the most interesting C-ute out there. Yes, even more interesting than Chisato. And that’s saying A LOT.

Hagiwara Mai. Circa 2006. C-ute debuted. Everyone celebrates. Except Megumi. She’s going to leave soon. HA HA.

All in all, I enjoy hearing her. Actually, when a song comes out, I am actively searching for her and Chisato’s solos. Because they can sing. They’re not particularly amazing, but I am amused by them. I don’t know… could it be because of her reminding me of my sister? Fun Fact: My sister is a strange person. When I told her “HEY! YOU AND MAI ARE SO ALIKE IN EVERYWAY!”, she smacked me. Hard. Little I know that in fact, she hated Mai for exactly the same reasons I hate Airi. That, and because she’s stupid. That’s weird.

Hagiwara Mai. Circa 1920 (or so). She first discovers an ancient land that gives immortality and the capability of flight to its residents.

And, just as we did with Berryz, I present you… THE OTHER THREE!

With a minor and almost unnoticeable change. You see… I’m not as fond of these girls as I am to say, ANYONE ELSE, so I’m going to resume juuuust a little bit my rant. Here we go!

Murakami Megumi

(AKA The ugly kid who turns up to be pretty hot actually)

Or so it seems…

…

NEXT!

Arihana Kanna

(AKA Lame-ass chick)

Mmm… you’re not lame anymore.

WOW! She’s HOT! GODDAMN!

Otherwise, not interested.

Umeda Erika

(AKA C-ute’s Sexy Queen)

Oh, LOOK! It’s Reinaaaaaahh naw, she’s totally not.

Why do I just don’t care about the other two, you say? Well, firstly, I hardly even KNEW Megumi existed when I got into C-ute and shit. Secondly, Kanna still was in the group when I became a “fan”, but she never, EVER got my attention. Mostly my attention was for one little person (guess who), and of course, for Erika. She is GORGEOUS. And AMAZING. She’s AMAZORGEOUS. Or something.

I never actually got to hear her sing, but for what I can tell, she’s at least decent. Too bad she went to pursue a career in modeling (the bastards…), because I reckon she could have had an enormous fan base right about now. Meh, that’s the past, I guess.

And that’s it for today folks! Hope you enjoyed this! Explosive Isamu, OUT!