Tag Archives: Haters Gonna Hate

FUCK YEAH!

16 Mar

I just have to share this with you guys, but I think some of you might have watched it already. I haven’t seen such an amazing feat in a long time. It’s about this little dude (who we shall call “Skeleguy” bullying this other fat kid (also known as “Patty-Boy”). I mean, just watch it and you know why I am so excited about it.

Warning: Image’s quality is shitty at best.

“‘Sup girls, I’m here just, you know, being a fuckin’ douche. Just the usual.”

At this moment I was like “Meh, another boy getting bullied”. I wasn’t bullied back in the day, just the ocassional “Four-eyes” and “Nalganator” (Wich loosely translates to “Assnator”. I had a huge ass back then and I was skinny, so I looked kinda funny… I guess.) stuff. I mostly gave a crap about it, but I always got into trouble for standing up for my best friend (little guy, skinny, fuckload of acne) and his brother (pretty much the same, not so acne-ridden and more kind of a ladies’ man tough). I wasn’t big myself, so they kicked the shit out of me every single time.

HEADSHOT!

At this moment Patty-Boy gets punched. Hard. I can’t express how much rage I get inside. “COME ON BITCH, SHOW HIM WHAT YOU’VE GOT!” I screamed. Patty-Boy was 2 times the man Skeleguy was. Still, he did nothing. Two girls watched the show, actually amused of what was going on. Bitches.

“Oh no, he didn’t!”

At this moment Skeleguy was feeling big, like he was the real shit. Patty-Boy got mad, really mad. I mean, look at his big fat fist. The way he closes it tells you his Rage Meter just went up to eleven. He was angry. I bet even more angry at the dancing Skeleguy just in front of him. Then, Skeleguy punched (softly I might add) his tummy, thinking Patty-Boy was defeated. Destroyed in shame and agony. He saw his opponent defeated. He tought he had already won.

Then shit got very fuckin’ real.

OH SHIT.

Showing the speed and agility you would expect of a really fuckin’ fast and really fuckin’ agile fat kid, Patty-Boy snapped and grabbed his opponent and forced him into submission. But Skeleguy, denying Patty-Boy of his sweet victory tried to resist. He did pretty well at first. He was skinny, Patty-Boy doubled him in size. Such an amazing feat, to have the weight of two yous and still don’t give up. But then…

ME IS ANGRY!

Patty-Boy, praying to the Nordic gods to lend him strength, lifts Skeleguy up to his shoulder, and even more. He literally Hulked the fuck up, unlocked the hidden potential of his blood, the blood of a long-lost royal family. I have to say, I didn’t expect this. Sure, just throwing him or making him fall on his ass would have worked for me. Patty-Boy gained my respect when he stood up and grabbed that little shit. By now, I have seen how a fat kid grows some balls. And right now, I have just seen how the  boy becomes a man. The apprentice becomes the master. The mortal becomes the god. The Patty-Boy becomes…

BURGER-DUDE SMASH!

The new man, Burger-Dude literally crashed his arch-nemesis onto the ground, getting him out of combat. The amount of damage Skeleguy took was enormous, but the amount of damage his ego took was even bigger. Burger-Dude fucked him up really good. Destroyed. His self-esteem shattered below the victorious feet of the man formerly know as Patty-Boy. At this moment this other dude comes up (dubbed “Minister Of Crapping-Myself City”). Minister Of Crapping-Myself City gets between the two combatants, presumably swearing at Burger-Dude and all he stands for, but without making a single move on him. His fear was so great that he just couldn’t bring himself to make Burger-Dude angry. Burger-Dude smiled. He could have killed the Minister Of Crapping-Myself City, of course. But he didn’t. His real enemy lies on the ground, defeated. He didn’t need to spill more blood. And as big legends do, he turned around, left whatever honor Skeleguy had left intact, an leaved the place with his mighty fist up in the air while the sound of his epicness came out of nowhere. Nobody could match him. Nobody could keep up with him. Rumours says that he became Captain Burger-Dude, Defender Of The Bullied sometime after. Others say that he disappeared mysteriously, leaving to unknown places where the bullied are bullied by a bully who bullies. Nobody knows for sure.

DA! DA DA DA! DA DA DA! DADDADDA! THEEEE EYEE OF THE TIGEEEEEEEEER! ♪

I’m not a pro-violence person. But Burger-Dude gotta do what Burger-Dude gotta do.

“Let him go Minister. He won.” “Phew, glad you stopped me. Mind if go to the bathroom?” “Do you feel ill?” “If by “feel ill” you mean “totally shit my pants”, then yes I do.”

Le video:

EDIT: The vid was deleted, sorry. Anyway, google “fat kid fights back” and you’ll be able to see it, I hope.

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What if…?

23 Feb
  • What if you didn’t know H!P exists?
  • What if Tsunku never came up with the idea?
  • What if Yaguchi Mari was to be tall?
  • What if Perfume sucked ass?
  • What if you were in H!P?
  • What if Kago didn’t smoke or loved older men?
  • What if Goto’s brother never stole anything from anyone?
  • What if AKB48 didn’t exist?
  • What if your family knows you like japanese music?
  • And if they do, What if they thought you are lame as fuck?
  • What if Takahashi didn’t have that awesome ass?
  • What if Michishige HAD some ass for a fuckin’ change?
  • What if Yurzilla wasn’t so freakishly tall?
  • What if I knew all of the Eggs’ names?
  • What if you were japanese?
  • What if Miyabi didn’t have that horse-like face?
  • What if Chuck Norris wiped all wota? (You wish that could happen)
  • What if Morning Musume was American?
  • What if you get your ass off your mother’s house, you prick?
  • What if you leave hate comment’s in the comment section?
  • What if Risako was thin?
  • What if I just can’t picture that image?
  • What if Fukuda Asuka didn’t leave Momusu at that time?
  • What if I love Reina when it seems everybody doesn’t?
  • In fact, What if I kick your sorry ass for hating her?
  • What if, for starters, I EVEN could?
  • What if I did a real post since a month and a half I don’t post shit?
  • What if I ask “Why do you care”?
  • What if I was surprised for Takahashi’s graduation?
  • What if your mom was Nakazawa?
  • What if you fap to images of Tsunku? (Seriously, who doesn’t? … You don’t? I mean, it’s not like I do it. In fact, I don’t even fap, like, to anything. Don’t look at me like that. I said, DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! Uhm… look! A FUCKIN’ PELICAAAAAAAN!)
His name is Mr. Pelican and he’ll fuck your shit up.

Takahashi Ai to leave. Graduation haters gonna graduation hate.

10 Jan

When I went to H!O I wasn’t really planning anything to do in there. “Maybe I’ll hang in Kago’s thread, or in Riho’s”, I said to myself. Then, I saw that the News Feed was updated. The very second I saw Takahashi’s name I knew what happened. She is going to graduate in the Autumn Tour. I covered my mouth with my hand as I smiled, but not a smile of joy, but one of nervousness. “Fuck Off”, I yelled. “Fuck you Tsunku, you’re just trolling us now. That, or I slept for 3 months straight and it is April 1st.”

It wasn’t.

You know, this was bound to happen, sooner or later. And it did take it’s fuckin’ sweet time, aye? You know, 10 FUCKIN’ YEARS ALREADY?! That’s a shitload of time. Actually, I was beginning to think she was never going to graduate. Like, EVER. But, that’d be a trashed talent, wouldn’t it? With her talent I might have graduated sooner, like 5 years or so after her addition. She would have been a kickass soloist back in the day when H!P was worth the time. That was what I was thinking, when I saw that she’s going to leave H!P, too.

“WHAT?!” I yelled, and now for real. “YOU FUCKIN’ ASSHOLES! You have fuckin’ Mano as a soloist but you graduate Takahashi just like that?! ARE YOU FUCKIN’ KIDDIN’ ME?!”. I calmed myself about a minute later. What’s up with that crap anyway? I mean, why would you graduate them from H!P too? They’re cash cows! You just don’t waste a cash cow like that! You squeeze it until they’re out of talent and finally go and sleep with older mans and smoke like they don’t give a fuck! That’s the way, aha aha, I like it!

Ok, now serious business. I do believe she’s going to have a succesful career outside H!P. UFA always seemed to be really biased over Takahashi, so sure, why not? I mean, she’s a crazy badass singer, so it’s not like she’ll disappear in the background. She has what it takes to be an Ayumi. An Amuro. She can be our next J-Pop Queen! Although I do feel a little worried. Now that Kamei is no more and Takahashi already saying bye-bye, Reina is going to get more shit to sing, and of course Risa is going to take Ai’s place. So, we have now 2 spots to fill. Who will fulfill the destiny of the semi-leading vocals?! Of course, it won’t be Sayumi. I love her, but I know she can’t sing, even if her life depended on it.

I’m sorry. But it’s the truth. You’re gorgeous BTW.

I have two suspects. One, it could be Riho. Two, it is or Fukumura, or Aika. I hate Aika and all she stand’s for. But I can’t deny her voice is kinda nice to hear (except when she’s singing nasally, I hate that shit). And I haven’t heard Fukumura, but she’s not Aika, so she’s not a crack whore to me, SO she’s good for now.

 

What do you think about this graduation? It took me for surprise (although I foreshadowed it in an earlier post… maybe I can see the future xD). I NEVER expected Takahashi’s graduation to be announced just after the past one. But it kinda makes sense at this point. Was UFA going to rest all of Morning Musume’s hopes in her, forever and ever? I don’t think so. Also, it is beginning to feel like the good ol’ Momusu. If next year they make another audition, I’m gonna love it.

PS: I’m very fuckin’ drunk and tired right now. Did you noticed?

-Evil Laugh-

I ♥ U AoiUsa!

6 Jan

I have a little present for you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WAIT.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

20 seconds rant.

28 Dec

GOD! Tsunku, I need fucking results already! If you do not give me a result in 5 minutes, I’m going all the way to Japan and kill your sorry ass for making me wait, you shit-eating bastard! That’s right, you better watch your back, you piece of shit, and when the results are up, I want to see more than 3 girls in the fucking group, ok?! I don’t want no Lucky 7 audition. You pull that crap from your ass again, and I’m going to cut your fucking balls off and make you eat them! So, stop being such a fucking douche and GET ALL FUCKING GIRLS IN THE FUCKING GROUP, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT ASSHOLE COCK-EATING BASTARD!

 

 

Ah, now I’m relaxed. That felt like 6th generation all over again. Glad that shit is over, the only thought of it sends shivers down my freaking spine, I tell ya… anyway, love the 5 girls. Seriously, all this hating toward Minami… just gets on my nerves. And Riho is such an exceptional girl. SHE HAS TALENT. All I want to do now is wait and discover if they have lame-ass personalities like Momusu nowadays because fuck it, that’s what is in these days, amirite? Shit, I may go all wota for Erina as far as I know. Time will decide, I guess.

 

Also, fuck the Minami haters all over the world. FUCK. YOU.

And a Tomomi’s image because she totally has to be in Morning Musume. I ♥ Tomochin’s legs.

Our name is Koubou. Berryz Koubou. *Kicks “°C-ute” in the fuckin’ face*

23 Dec

7 girls. One who is a fat ass. One who is a horse. One who does not age. One who likes puns. One who is freakishly tall. One who is the prettiest and is the captain. And one who is just… there.

Berryz Koubou is the spiritual successor of Morning Musume in what quality of songs and PV’s (and pretty much everything Momusu excelled in 2000-2005) refers (Tsunku, suck my dick). You could say that every single Momusu fan who didn’t change to AKB48 or Perfume after the “Great Downfall” in 2006-2007 is a Berryz fan (because nobody likes °C-ute. At least nobody with common sense.). And what’s so wrong about that?! Berryz has the sound, the looks, the moves, the Miyabi… I understand why the change. I dig it, kinda.

Shimizu Saki: I’m going to begin with the lead… uhm, CAPTAIN. Funny thing: I had to look up her name because I’m so used to call her Captain that I totally forgot it. Whoopsie.

Peace!

Ok, now I don’t really pay much attention to this girl. Why? Because I’m too busy paying attention to Miyabi to even bother.BUT! I’ve always considered her to be the prettiest in Berryz. Seriously. Just look at her. She’s not really gorgeous,nor has a tremendous body. She’s a simplistic beauty. And that’s her charm, you know? She’s like that girl from your block, who you don’t actually see because the other girls (namely, Risako) are way more popular and sexier (yeah, right). But when you actually see her, it’s like: “Oh, JESUS! Who’s that girl? She’s totally freakin’ hot!”. The thing is, she has lived in the house next to yours all along.

 

Tsugunaga Momoko: The ageless chick. She’s like the Abe in Berryz. I just can’t believe this girl is already 18! She in legal age DAMMIT!

Momoko is all about the hair. Also, she looks… well, really pretty in this photo.

Oh, sweet Momoko. Will you even hit puberty before you’re 20? Oh, and her voice is amazing… if she’s singing of course. Because if she is speaking… her voice will crawl into your skull like a thousand babies crying. Seriously, what’s with the high pitch? She sounds like a dying mule. Anyways, she gives me this image of an annoying little sister. You have to look after her at all times, and you have to chase away the perverted boys who are after her. Also, she seems to have huge boobs. Just for your information.

Tokunaga Chinami: Well, I see a lot of myself in this girl. She’s the funny (I use that word loosely) one in the group, which could be my case if I weren’t such a bad comedian.

Chinako Is Love.

Put glasses in her face. How about a schoolgirl uniform? But with the skirt under her knees. Now, throw in a pair of pigtail. And a cute ribbon in both of them. SHAZAM! We’ve got ourselves a nerd!

Because she is just perfect for that role. She wants to be funny, but her attempts at doing so are pathetic at best. Everyone makes fun of her, but in reality she’s a REALLY sexy and pretty girl. Your mileage may vary with the “sexy” part, though. But no one can deny she’s pretty. She may be one of H!P’s prettiest members as of this year. Just look at her again, and tell me: Wouldn’t you like to bite those soft cheeks?!

Sudou Maasa: BLEH.

Why someone would be her fan, is a complete mystery to me. She’s not a particularly good singer. She’s not really that pretty. She doesn’t have any kind of singular personality. She’s kinda cute, but the average cute for H!P. Her only remarkable trait is her eyes, which I find utterly beautiful. But that’s not enough. Not for Berryz. Not for ME.

She’s the friend you’ll never see sentimentally nor sexually attractive. Kinda like a sister.

Natsuyaki Miyabi: Oh, we are getting to really wotaish places here.

I’d ride that, for sure.

Why do I love her? She has a wonderful smile, you see. She shares her birthday with me, you see. She looks kinda like an ex-girlfriend, you see. And she’s the most odd-looking of the bunch, you see.

I have a thing for weird shit. I’m not saying Miya is weird shit, but she’s not like anyone in H!P. I ‘ve just felt this thing twice in the past, and it was for Kago Ai, and Ishikawa Rika. Kago was really a cutie back then, but she was a total natural. I fell in love with her all over again, each day. For Rika, it was more like a Love-Hate situation, aye? I mean, I though she was really hilarious, but at the same time I despised her way of talking, and that she took herself really seriously. For Miya, it is no different. She is shy, but she’s always smiling. She is really kind-looking for me.and she’s not the prettiest girl in all of H!P, but she has something that attracts me. Or like a Jedi would say: “She’s an echo in th Force.”. And unlike many other idols, she seems to have fun with what she is doing. She’s like your best friend ever, who, one fateful day, looked gorgeous to you. And like Kago Ai (and some other person who may or may not be Ella Fitzgerald or whatever) say (modified, of course): “Although she may not be the girl some men think of as pretty, to my heart she carries the key!”.

Kumai Yurina: HOLY MOTHER OF FUCKIN’ JESUS GODZILLA IS SINGING WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE.

YURZILLA IS FUCKIN’ HUNGRY!

SWEET JESUS I REGRET EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE PLEASE STOP THIS SHITTY TORTURE MAKE HER STOP SHE IS SINGING AND I FEAR FOR US ALL OH GOD WHY DOES SHE EXISTS MOTHER OF THE GREAT CHERRY PIE SHE LOOKS REALLY PISSED I THINK SHE IS GOING TO SING AGAIN PLEASE PUT AN END TO THIS HOSTILITY OH SHIT SHE LOOKED AT ME I’M GOING TO FUCKIN’ DIE SHE IS GOING TO MAKE ME BRUSH HER HAIR I’M GOING TO BE HER BRUSHING BITCH NO PLEASE DON’T TOUCH ME OH ZOMBIE JESUS PLEASE SAVE MY SORRY ASS FROM DESTRUCTION.

She’s the tall one. She is smokin’ hot. She is beautiful. She can sing. You’d do her IF SHE WASN’T YOUR OLDER SISTER, YOU GODDAMMED SICK (WO)MAN!

Sugaya Risako: Dark times come ahead, my very young padawan.

You are what you eat. And she is eating a bigass hippopotamus. I emphasize “ASS”.

Maybe I’m getting out of hand with the insults. Truth is, I don’t hate her. Well, not really. She’s pretty, yes, and I’d do that ass, yes. Thing is, I’ve always hated that girl in school who is really popular and feels really self-important. But actually, I loved her when Berryz was still new (and when she wasn’t a fatass). She looks to me like a good girl getting out of line, that’s all. And quite frankly, I’m somewhat in love with her. I show it by insulting her and her body. Weird? Maybe. Funny? For me, it totally is.

 

Well, I guess this is over. Well, I may very well be going, becau…

HOLYMOTHER! I FORGOT!

Remember the time when there were not 7, but 8 Berryz?

 

Ishimura Maiha: The rabbit.

Was it worth the time, Tsunku♂?

I don’t really know anything about her. She’s a complete stranger to me. And let it stay that way for the time being. I want to make fun of her mouse face until I drop dead. She left Berryz to “focus on her studies”. Well, we all know what that means? Either she was getting really drunk, or getting really mischievous, or getting really kissy with a neighbour. Or maybe she was telling the truth, who knows? She was one of the first to come up with that excuse.

 

WEEEEEEEELL THAT AIN’T MAH BOY BUT THE BROTHER IS HEAVY!

 

How did you like this half-assed review? Was it good? Was it bad? Frankly I don’t give a shit.

Scott Pilgrim VS The World

15 Dec

Hey, wazzup. Yes, it is yet another unrelated H!P post. What can I do? Just go along.

I have to make a review about the movie. I just have. Wanna know why? Because, in my really humble opinion, it kicked ass. Major ass, if you ask me. I always had a thing about over-the-top and ridiculous movies (“Hot Shots!”, “American Pie”, “Dude, Where’s My Car?”, and for something kinda new, “The Hangover”), so Scott Pilgrim’s movie adaptation wasn’t going to be the exception (the comic, the way I see it, is the most badass comic ever drawn). That, and the fact that Michael motherfuckin’ Cera is starring at the title role. That sums up the “why” of me watching the movie, actually.

Why would you see it? Well, if you’re not in comics, or in stupid shit, then you have to watch it because of the fights. Specially Ramona’s VS Roxy’s duel. What is better than seeing two chicks (one armed with a big fucking hammer, the other having a metal whip chain sword kinda-thingy) fighting in a party for someone? Namely, not Scott, but Ramona?

When you see that “VS” sign, it means asses are going to be kicked. Hard. Fuckin’ hard. Also, look at Ramona’s expression. The first time you are going to see that chick fight, and she just owns Roxy’s butt. Although barely.

And I mean, I may be biased or something, but the movie is all about Cera (You: Well, duh. – Me: Shut the fuck up.). His performance, his way of speaking, even his movements pretty much resemble what I had in mind about Scott Pilgrim. The only flaw in his personification was that I imagined Scott to be an average built dude, not thin like Cera (and boy, isn’t he thin?!). And how can I forget Mary Elizabeth, who looks so sexy I had to put a pillow on my lap to hide the boners? Or Kieran Culkin, whom I haven’t seen since that movie with those nouns and shit? The movie is a huge orgasm-party for me.

BUT.

There’s always a but, isn’t it? You know, a little something you didn’t like. Or something you disagree. Like, how they FUCKING DIDN’T SHOW RAMONA’S *SPOILER HERE, BIATCH!* LONG HAIR, OR SCOTT AND GIDEON’S FIGHT INSIDE RAMONA’S HEAD WICH SUPPOSEDLY WAS COMPLETELY EPIC (we are told that by Scott, but seeing how an unreliable narrator he can be… poor Simon. Because Kim’s ex was called Simon, wasn’t he?)!!

Long story short, this is an EPIC FILM. While it could be way badass if they didn’t cut some parts of the comics, it stills has that Scott Pilgrim’s feeling which I fell in love so many years ago. Ok, two years ago.

 

Next up: A review about Berryz Kobo. Maybe. Wich feeling is stronger? My hate for Risako’s (fat) ass, my love for Miyabi’s horse face, my diarrhea to Momoko’s childish attitude, or my indifference to the rest of the members?

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