Chill the fuck up UFA!

1 Jun

Well, for starters I haven’t posted in what? 2, almost 3 months? COME ON! I just got a new girlfriend and I couldn’t care less for you guys. But now, you my fellow H!P followers, will receive some World-Class, Heavy Bad-Ass Shit, Explosive Wota Style!

My homie Obama showing your lazy ass how the hell it’s done.

Therefore I begin with the main fuckin’ topic of this week. Or month. Whatever.

*dramatic music*

FUCKIN’ MOMUSU’S 10TH GENERATION

AND

FUCKIN’ S/MILEAGE’S 2ND GENERATION

Remember when I said “Oh bro, it’ll rock if the Musume’s got another audition out the next year”? Well, fuck me but I think I might be a fortune-teller. Because shit, seems like every time I write something it becomes true. It happened with Takahashi’s graduation (well that’s a given, with she staying in the group for 10 years and all). So, some time ago I was just getting home from a specially boring day at work and well, I just wanted to relax. I went to my PC and said “Oh god, I’m going to see what’s happenin’ on H!O. Maybe another boring as hell Pocket Question, why not…”, so I got in the site and OHMYGOD.

The announcement felt a bit rash, as if the mere thought of Takahashi leaving got UFA shitting their pants. They are losing a great deal of talent in the group, and sure, Risa and Reina can make up for her, but honestly, all the wotas seem to be all over Takahashi. That means a serious damage to the fan base, and I can foresee a serious damage to the singles $$$ as well. But all in all, I think this is their way of making up for no change in Momusu’s line-up in what, 3 years?

A lot of people are freakin’ out about this, you know? The good ol’ “They changed it now it sucks” shit. Yeah, I do spend some time on TVTropes, so fuckin’ what?

But hey, that’s something that has always happened. But they are freakin’ out mostly because the announcement being made not a half-year since the new members were announced. But hey, this has happened before, hasn’t it? 4th to 5th Generation, anyone? When Takahashi & Friends joined the two freaks, the girly one and the manly one had been only for a year or so. And well, this audition has just been announced, and that means we won’t be seeing the actual 10th Generation for, say, another 4-5 months. IF there’s a 10th Generation at all. We all know how Tsunku can fuck up our shit anytime he feels like it.

Pictured: Tsunku’s hair is F**KIN’ AWESOME.

Still, I just have one tiny complication right here. I’m getting old, you know? I’m going to be 23 this year, and what does that mean? That EVERY SINGLE MEMBER IS GOING TO BE YOUNGER THAN ME. And what’s worse, I’M GOING TO BE A FAN OF A 13-YEAR OLD. Now I’m not really annoyed by that fact, but by the fact that every passing year since the moment Takahashi graduates I’m going to fall, bit by bit, into the category of a “Common Wota”. Now THAT’S A PROBLEM. Should I keep with Morning Musume, or switch around for the older, sexier and not so, uhm, “embarrassingformeandmyego-er” Dream Musume?

 

But what I really didn’t expect was S/Mileage’s 2nd Generation. Epic mind-rape right there. I mean, I thought the 4-girl group thing really worked well. But it seems the folks at UFA aren’t as fond of these girls as I am. It’s just like they are so fuckin’ high on crack and coke that they don’t give a single fuck about anything.

“What an exotic bunch of racial diversity we have here! Only one, maybe two of us look slightly japanese! But all of us work on UFA!… oh yeah, we are high on crack and coke. Fuck S/Mileage. Blah blah.”

But hey, whatever. I don’t really listen to S/Mileage, so yeah. Still, it amazes me. I bet the next thing we are going to hear about is Miyavi’s graduation or, I don’t know, that Mano is going to get in AKB48 or that Chisato is totally getting a solo single. Oh, wait…

Heh heh… I totally doubt she could enter in AKB48, she doesn’t have the body to rOMGWTFISWRONGWITHYOURFACE?!

 

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HOLY SHIT.

9 May

10th Generation? ALFUCKIN’READY?!

Holy fuck, I CAN see the future!

My expression right now.

(Yeah yeah, I haven’t posted in what, a couple o’ months? Shut up, I’m getting into it.)

FUCK YEAH!

16 Mar

I just have to share this with you guys, but I think some of you might have watched it already. I haven’t seen such an amazing feat in a long time. It’s about this little dude (who we shall call “Skeleguy” bullying this other fat kid (also known as “Patty-Boy”). I mean, just watch it and you know why I am so excited about it.

Warning: Image’s quality is shitty at best.

“‘Sup girls, I’m here just, you know, being a fuckin’ douche. Just the usual.”

At this moment I was like “Meh, another boy getting bullied”. I wasn’t bullied back in the day, just the ocassional “Four-eyes” and “Nalganator” (Wich loosely translates to “Assnator”. I had a huge ass back then and I was skinny, so I looked kinda funny… I guess.) stuff. I mostly gave a crap about it, but I always got into trouble for standing up for my best friend (little guy, skinny, fuckload of acne) and his brother (pretty much the same, not so acne-ridden and more kind of a ladies’ man tough). I wasn’t big myself, so they kicked the shit out of me every single time.

HEADSHOT!

At this moment Patty-Boy gets punched. Hard. I can’t express how much rage I get inside. “COME ON BITCH, SHOW HIM WHAT YOU’VE GOT!” I screamed. Patty-Boy was 2 times the man Skeleguy was. Still, he did nothing. Two girls watched the show, actually amused of what was going on. Bitches.

“Oh no, he didn’t!”

At this moment Skeleguy was feeling big, like he was the real shit. Patty-Boy got mad, really mad. I mean, look at his big fat fist. The way he closes it tells you his Rage Meter just went up to eleven. He was angry. I bet even more angry at the dancing Skeleguy just in front of him. Then, Skeleguy punched (softly I might add) his tummy, thinking Patty-Boy was defeated. Destroyed in shame and agony. He saw his opponent defeated. He tought he had already won.

Then shit got very fuckin’ real.

OH SHIT.

Showing the speed and agility you would expect of a really fuckin’ fast and really fuckin’ agile fat kid, Patty-Boy snapped and grabbed his opponent and forced him into submission. But Skeleguy, denying Patty-Boy of his sweet victory tried to resist. He did pretty well at first. He was skinny, Patty-Boy doubled him in size. Such an amazing feat, to have the weight of two yous and still don’t give up. But then…

ME IS ANGRY!

Patty-Boy, praying to the Nordic gods to lend him strength, lifts Skeleguy up to his shoulder, and even more. He literally Hulked the fuck up, unlocked the hidden potential of his blood, the blood of a long-lost royal family. I have to say, I didn’t expect this. Sure, just throwing him or making him fall on his ass would have worked for me. Patty-Boy gained my respect when he stood up and grabbed that little shit. By now, I have seen how a fat kid grows some balls. And right now, I have just seen how the  boy becomes a man. The apprentice becomes the master. The mortal becomes the god. The Patty-Boy becomes…

BURGER-DUDE SMASH!

The new man, Burger-Dude literally crashed his arch-nemesis onto the ground, getting him out of combat. The amount of damage Skeleguy took was enormous, but the amount of damage his ego took was even bigger. Burger-Dude fucked him up really good. Destroyed. His self-esteem shattered below the victorious feet of the man formerly know as Patty-Boy. At this moment this other dude comes up (dubbed “Minister Of Crapping-Myself City”). Minister Of Crapping-Myself City gets between the two combatants, presumably swearing at Burger-Dude and all he stands for, but without making a single move on him. His fear was so great that he just couldn’t bring himself to make Burger-Dude angry. Burger-Dude smiled. He could have killed the Minister Of Crapping-Myself City, of course. But he didn’t. His real enemy lies on the ground, defeated. He didn’t need to spill more blood. And as big legends do, he turned around, left whatever honor Skeleguy had left intact, an leaved the place with his mighty fist up in the air while the sound of his epicness came out of nowhere. Nobody could match him. Nobody could keep up with him. Rumours says that he became Captain Burger-Dude, Defender Of The Bullied sometime after. Others say that he disappeared mysteriously, leaving to unknown places where the bullied are bullied by a bully who bullies. Nobody knows for sure.

DA! DA DA DA! DA DA DA! DADDADDA! THEEEE EYEE OF THE TIGEEEEEEEEER! ♪

I’m not a pro-violence person. But Burger-Dude gotta do what Burger-Dude gotta do.

“Let him go Minister. He won.” “Phew, glad you stopped me. Mind if go to the bathroom?” “Do you feel ill?” “If by “feel ill” you mean “totally shit my pants”, then yes I do.”

Le video:

EDIT: The vid was deleted, sorry. Anyway, google “fat kid fights back” and you’ll be able to see it, I hope.

Shit.

11 Mar

Ok, fuck my life. Japan was just striked with a big ass earthquake. I’m really shitting myself. My sister just got in contact with me and told me she was ok except for bruises and stuff. But it seems a lot of people died over there. I’m a really empathic person, so I really feel sorry for all those persons who lost their lives or their relatives in the earthquake.

It’s time to support Japan!

“Heroine ni Narou ka!” is SEXY as hell. Even Momoko.

10 Mar

WOW. I mean, WOW! I just can’t handle so much epicness. One thing is to be good at producing songs, and other entirely is to make a song so bitchin’ I want to have sex with it. Not with Momoko, not with Miyavi, hell, not even a trio with Yurina and Risako (Funny shit: While she’s not my favorite member and I make fun of her a lot, I rank her 2nd in my “Which Berryz Do I Want To Make A Baby With” scale)! WITH THE SONG. SEX WITH A SONG!

Le Video:

Tell me you hate this song. Just do it and I will rape you so hard you will not be able to shit properly for a year.

Pictured: You while taking a crap until March 10, 2012.

Song’s amazing, hands down (the intro could hand Perfume their ass whenever they like). But what really blew my shit off was the PV. Awesome costumes, Yurzilla in the middle (damn, that girl is tall!), sexy fat-ass doing her thing, even Momoko rocking the shit out of that little Lolita dress. And Maasa, whose existence I totally don’t give a single little crap for looks absolutely gorgeous. And the background, god, the BACKFUCKINGROUND! It looks so flashy, so brilliant. It heavily resembles (to me, at least) Daft Punk’s pyramid of fucking epic. Just watch the PV and you’ll know what I’m talking about. I’m just wondering right now, why the shit Berryz gets all the good stuff while MoMusu is getting “Mikan”? I mean, flagship group, anyone? UFA, what the hell’s wrong?

SEXY BEAAAAA-wait, this IS the wrong song, isn’t it?

Anyway, I want an explanation to the Lady Gaga’s parts. No, seriously, that’s totally random. It’s nonsense. Totally love it, but nonsense nonetheless. Maybe I would have hated it if their make-up didn’t rock mah shit. It’s subtle and you don’t really pay attention to it, but it looks really good and blends with the ridiculous wig just perfectly. Awesome production.

Awesome production indeed…
Yurzilla looking prettier every passing day.
Maasa just… existing. Chinami looks like she just cannot wait to get the fuck out of that place. Momoko is not totally getting what she’s doing there. Yurzilla is beautiful. Miyavi just looking cute. Risako, looking rather chubby but gorgeous. Captain just thinks everything about that photoshoot is hilarious.
“Last night’s party was soooo not worth it…”

Amazing.

4 Mar

I just want to comment something. The new motherfuckin’ song. Full motherfuckin’ preview is here. I’m so amazed right now I can’t even think, let alone rationalize like a perfectly normal person. But I do blogging about japanese music (mostly, at least), so I just can’t be a normal person.

Also, check out this other video. Dance lessons w/ Kyukkies. Definitely a must see. For real.

I was shitting bricks when I saw Riho dance. DAMN THAT GIRL HAS SOME NASTY TALENT RIGHT FUCKIN’ THERE! Also, I didn’t expect something from myself. As they dance, the rest of the group intrudes in. Then, we get this next shot of all Momusu dancing together. As in a group. Suddenly, I got this chill in my spine and began to tremble as I put my hands over my mouth and let a loud, deep, creepy and manly fangirl-ish squeal.

Exactly my expression. Only without the ejaculaaaaaaaaaw fuck I totally ruined my new pants!

Maji desu ka SKA! [A really small Review]

2 Mar

I just listened to the “preview” of the new single. I have to say, I didn’t expect the kind of catchy, upbeat, happy song the Golden Era was known for. Still, I liked it, but not as much as I would want (I’m not really a fan of upbeat songs, with the exception of “Souda!”). But hey, at least they seem to have already given up with the “Oh I’m such a sad girl I need love fast” kinda songs. Good move there, Tsunku♂. It’s weird too. I don’t feel like I’m listening to the Momusu of 2011. It feels like I’m back in 2004, when every song H!P did had a “never-ending fun” feeling around them, when Tsunku didn’t gave a fuck about anything. He just made songs, crazy ass songs, upbeat songs, random songs, stupid songs, and most of them became classics in the fans ears. A lot of people compare “Maji Desu Ka SKA!” with “Koko Ni Iruzee!”, and it’s true. For me it has a more Petitmoni-ish kinda sound.

In fact, the song itself doesn’t amuse me as much as hearing the new members sing do. I mean, I lost the track of how much I raped the play button just to hear them sing, again and again and again. I was surprised too. Videos show them really nervous and restless as they record the song. I really feared they would sound Koharu-like. But it wasn’t like that at all. Riho rocked it, Ikuta’s voice was a little bit deeper than Riho’s, so I basically thought the same of her. Mizuki’s part I expected to be fabulous (given that she is the experienced one), but it wasn’t that special. Still, pretty darn good. But Suzuki surprised me to no end. Her voice is way lower than any of the other 3, so that and that her voice rocked made her stand out. Maybe it’s just me, but I have a thing for girls with deep voice, like Takahashi (Lulz) or Chisato. Seriously, if Chisato didn’t exist, I would really give a fine fuck about C-ute. But let us not make this a “Why I could love C-ute more but I just don’t care enough” post. It may be one in the future though.

How could you say “No” to this face?
Like this.

Le Video

A new era has begun. 9th Generation time has come. Don’t wet your pants AKB48. Although you don’t have to, I really doubt they overpower you.

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